Shuttle (2008)

Shuttle (2008)
Director: Edward Anderson
Status: Movie Review






This is actually a really freaky movie. I imagine any chick that got kidnapped, paraded around half way naked in front of weirdo's, and then shipped off to some foreign country to be held as a sex slave would be traumatized for life and/or want to off themselves. But we as viewers love a good underground sex ring scandal in Japan! Maybe if we're lucky there will be a Shuttle 2:Cat Box Fury and not only will it be about Mel getting revenge for having to piss and shit in a cat box for weeks, but it will give us an indepth look at the Japanese purchasing and raping many naked women, and the naked women raping eachother. Wow, this is starting to sound like a porno...someone make this movie please?!. Anyways see how fast I get off topic, need some ADD medication to straighten me out. I really enjoy twisted movies that make you feel uncomfortable once you realize what is going on, and this is one of those movies. When you realize what this girls fate is your like "oh shit, and there's no way out"! It's that uncomfortable vibe that makes it all worth while, I love unhappy endings. The fact that this is something that could really happen to someone makes you think twice about riding public transportation again. You never know what kind of lunatics are just roaming the streets looking for fresh victims. Just look at the percentage of people who are kidnapped every year and the plane bombings that are still going on, even after people thought they cleared up all of the security problems. We live in an extremely dangerous world these days, it could happen. So anyways on to the review!










This story follows Melanie (Peyton List) and her best friend Jules (Cameron Goodman) as they come back from a spectacular vacation to Mexico and need to find a ride back from the airport. That's when they meet a Shuttle driver (Tony Curran) who's more than happy to cut them a $15 dollar deal to get them on his shuttle. They take advantage of the offer and end up meeting Andy (Cullen Douglas) A shy family man, Seth (James Snyder) and his friend Matt (Dave Power) whom are crushing on the girls that had met them in the airport catch the shuttle in time. The crew of people chat it up for awhile until Jules notices and announces that they're not going the right direction. Then minutes after a person in a fancy sports car runs them partially off the road and they acquire a flat tire. In the process of changing the tire Matt gets his fingers severed completely from his hand and they all pile in the shuttle to find a hospital, or not. The shuttle man, let's just call him Dick Mgee because I don't like looking at him, pulls a gun out and things take a turn for the worse. He begins giving everyone certain tasks mainly to salvage through luggage and find valuables, get cash at the ATM, and sends Melanie into a store to purchase certain items (which they don't explain until the end). But when they finally do you'll be like "ohhhh"! It all falls together really well in the end, they never tell you to much until then. You just know that this shuttle driver is a whackjob trying to rob and off these innocent people. When the movie switches locations and goes from the shuttle to a huge empty warehouse that's when you realize that something completely different is going on. Jules and Melanie are the two survivors left together at that point trying to figure out why they are there. When forced to dye Melanie's hair blonde and model in their underwear for some random strange man, you start to get an idea of where the movie is going. There's also a little plot point about how Jules slept with Melanie's jerkoff fiance', but at that point you don't give a shit. Your anticipating what's going to happen next and the fact that Melanie already knows just makes it feel like a totally worthless effort on Jules part of confessing. What a great best friend! After the driver discovers Jules is one some medication for a yeast infection he decides it's time for her to face some death by gas poisoning. What a nazi! Then Melanie gets into a big scuffle for her life and rolls snake eyes, which leaves her trapped inside a big wooden box with cat litter, some food, rolaids, and a photo of a bunch of dirty naked women. Guess where Melanie is going everyone?








I really like the fact that the guy looks at a 2 second video of them, because have you ever tried to take a picture and realized that your video setting is turned on. It's something very reality driven, it's something that a lot of people wouldn't even think of, and it makes me love it more. Also is it just me or does anyone else notice that the chick who plays Melanie looks identical to Neve Campbell? I would just like to mention that she doesn't have a very nice best friend. So her best friend Jules screws her fianace' and she doesn't get upset or anything? I don't understand. I would be like "IT'S TIME FOR ONE OF US TO MAKE A SACRIFICE" and push her into the guy and take off. Haha. But I guess people are always pretty dumb in horror movies, it just has to be that way. So we the viewers can see lot's of BLOOD AND GORE, YAY! I saw that the geeky bald guy was a criminal from the very start, no one is that worthless if they are kidnapped in a movie. They always try to escape at least once. The one thing that really bothers me is all the driving. I get kind of tired of the same surroundings and characters. I need a change of scenery every once in awhile or I'll start to wear thin. Oh and watching the Melanie chick make one horrible decision after another just drives me to the brink of madness. Again this plays back to the fact that no one in horror movies ever make right decisions about anything. Good thing Melanie was forced to dye her hair blonde, she can now show her true colors. It's like a warning sign, haha. Just kidding people, I'm a natural blonde and I'm freakin' awesome!

I like the fact that it was all shot hand held, the jittery feel makes it a lot more intense. The scene where he makes the girls take their clothes off just makes you get that nervous feeling in your stomach. I thought Rape fest 2008 was about to happen! I love the way the scene is filmed though, it's put together so perfectly. The way the girls are spotlighted and the camera follows both of them turning. Mr. Michael Fimognari has quite an eye for detail. It's also good attention to detail how the girls all have to be blonde and any piercings/tattoos have to go. I wish they would have showed the guy burning her bum bum tattoo off, that would have made for some morbid entertainment! Also Tony the actor who plays the shuttle driver plays pain really well. In most movies you'll see someone get stabbed with a rusty knife and they'll get up and runaway like it never happened. But to see someone really go far in their performance and show the pain on their face is awesome to see. Yes, getting stabbed with a piece of glass in the leg is going to fucking hurt like hell, and especially when you pull it out. And when Melanie and him are struggling at the end, that's just good acting folks. I think it's also great that they end the movie with no music and then really low kind of creepy tones. It adds to the awkward sensation and shock you already have at that point, and sends you off to ponder to yourself, "should their be a second one"?
I don't think it needs one. Cased closed!

So Aleata gives Shuttle an overall 4/5 stars. It's a movie that you should pick up if you see it!

Wheelchair Deaths

Wheelchair Deaths:

Okay, so I couldn't stop thinking about this because I watched His Name Was Jason:30 years of Friday The 13th. They had a little talk about the wheelchair death in the 2nd Friday the 13th, which I always found hilarious because that character was totally screwed from the very beginning. You have this character working at a camp, but he's in a wheelchair. what's he going to do take the kids hiking, maybe give them a few swimming lessons, well I guess he could sing campire songs while playing a guitar..if he can play the guitar. Maybe he was there to give them a life lesson about what you don't do, so you don't end up in a wheelchair. I know, I know. Aleata quit picking on the handicapped teenager, but seriously who hired him? Was Jason accepting the applications because I know he wouldn't have cared that much. Maybe Jason is actually a genius and has been secretly luring the teens there. Muaha.




The Handicapped kid takes a spill down a flight of stairs, courtsey of his best bud Jason.

Now the thing about the Friday the 13th 2 wheelchair death is that Jason, in fact, is a retarded mongoloid. So it literally evens it out a bit. But the death is so brutal that you kind of forget all that and say "WHAT THE FUCK"! Not only does he slice a machete through the handicapped kids face, but then proceeds to fall backwards down a huge flight of stairs. I laugh like a hyena when this happens.






Now as you know there's also a Nightmare On Elmstreet with a wheelchair death, it's number 3 Dream warriors. Now what seems more fair about the "Wizard Masters" death is he is in dreamland and can walk for a minute until of course Freddy cripples him. The thing about Freddy is that he's pure evil, there's no convincing, tricking, or stopping him. So if your an Elm Street kid your basically screwed from the beginning, I think he let's them contain some power for awhile just to fuck with them. The fact that this kid obviously plays to much dungeon and dragons makes me want him to die. At least the kid being in a wheelchair makes more sense the kid in Friday number 2. Alright he's some kid who lives on Elm Street and he's in a wheelchair BAM we comprehend it.







The wheelchair wizard attacks Freddy with his D&D powers before he is ultimately annihilated.

If we can say anything about these two psychotic murderers, it's that they don't discriminate! They wil kill gimps, children, animals, senile old men. And I find it all pretty damn funny! What would we do without these deaths? Haha. Anyways what's everyone's favorite cruel death in a horror movie? Let's hear some good ones!

Oh and here's something that is completely off topic. HAPPY EARTH DAY!

Lbs (2009)

Lbs. (2009)
Director:Matthew Bonifacio
Status:Screener Review


WARNING: This is not a horror review. Breath in and out, it will be okay. But what I have for you today is a cute independent movie called Lbs.





Neil (Carmine Famiglietti) is the token fat guy in his family. He has no problem with the way he looks until he realizes how much he is affecting his family. When his sister (Sharon Angela) has to postpone her big wedding because Neil has a heart attack. Not to mention he has the heart attack while he is driving a bus full of little kids on it. I'm not going to lie I laughed pretty hard at that part, I can't help my sense of humor. He worked for his father so his father had to fire him for the incident. Anyways Neil then attends his sisters rescheduled wedding, which turns into a complete disaster. Her new husband is very upset with Neil because he's doing nothing at the wedding but eating all their food. He calls him out about his food addiction and a huge family fight ensues leaving Neil depressed and needing a big change in life. So Neil decides to pack up some of his belongings and head out to butt fucking Egypt to lose the pounds. His best friend Sacco (Michael Aronov) tags along the way to help him out, also fighting his own addiction with drugs (mainly cocaine). The two men begin on a journey to recovery out in their purchased trailers out in the backwoods of a new town, needless to say neither of them make out very well. Neil and Sacco are doing pretty good for awhile taking in the fresh country air, cooking outside in their little fire pit, playing their own make shift sports, and just hanging out. Meanwhile back home his parents (Susan Varon and Fil Formicola) are in a state of panic not knowing where Neil has disappeared to, and how he's doing. Neil and Sacco soon begin scraping about their addictions and it leads to one final fight where Sacco up and leaves, leaving him the message "you do it your way and I'll do it mine". Neil now having no one becomes friends with the man (Eric Leffler) who sold him the land and trailers and a woman (Miriam Shor) who works at the local diner as a waitress. She informs him that she's getting a divorce from her husband and starts hanging out with him all the time. In short she ends up banging him, he falls in love, and she moves out of town with her husband. Neil left all alone besides his friend Lee who watches out for him occasionally, he starts going a little bonkers but continues his venture to lose the pounds. He finally comes back to town a new man, but with a new problem.





Anyways the main focus of this cute independent film is addiction. Addiction to food, addiction to drugs, etc. Everything that he accomplishes seems to go downhill in the end. He becomes a bulimic, loses his best friend, and realizes that everyone around him are shallow assholes. He was once happy and comfortable with himself and now he seems miserable and lonely. I mean shit Bulimia and being over weight can both kill you, so it's somewhat of a lose-lose situation for him. To sum up the ending, it's pretty depressing. He see's everyone he hasn't been acquainted with for awhile and everyone is happy to see him, but he's not happy with himself. So I guess in his case it's one of those "did it all for nothing" things. I like this movie though it shows someone who gets pushed over the edge and finally decides to do something about it. And it shows as Lee Dawkins quotes "Even if you've changed don't expect that anyone else has". So there's quite a few underlying messages to be found in this movie. I'd would also like to mention that Neil's Character is a dickhead in the end when he does nothing to help out his friend. I mean if your best friend turned into a homeless bum with not even a pair of shoes to wear, wouldn't you do something to help them. It really irks me that he just has some crazy hallucination and then walks away, but it does make for a cool type of scene.






Because it's me reviewing this movie, I have to point out that there's actually a creepy scene where he's dreaming that his mom is in his trailer cooking Christmas dinner for him. I mean it's the lighting, music, and the way the actress is talking that makes it extremely eerie. She reminds me of Annie Wilkes in the scene just the way she's lurking there and it's lit like a scene from "Parents". The mention of the peppers and sausage made me want to vomit on myself, two foods I do not like. Just would like to make a correction Carimine Famigietti actually did lose the weight over the filming process, which is pretty amazing. He slimmed down a lot by the end of the movie! Carmine Famigietti is a fantastic actor, especially in the scenes where he's going crazy and becoming a little schizophrenic. He shows emotion in facial expressions extremely well, and it makes you feel for him. But don't be fooled he can portray mean when he wants to, hence the scene where him and Sacco end their friendship. Also his sisters husbands character is a good one to comment on. Anthony (Lou Martini Jr.) puts on a great performance as the only person not fooled by Neil's "diet" antics. Truth be told he's sneaking out and eating at a pizza parlor and having Sacco sneak him in twinkies and such (After he has the heart attack). After Neil comes back and has lost weight you can tell that Anthony is genuinely proud of him. All in all Lbs is a pretty smooth running movie that's well made and has a nice little story about fighting obesity. I say that because in the end he's at the meetings and you feel like he's going to get help.

Would also like to mention quickly that Lbs has a really nice website as well, you can visit it at www.lbsthemovie.com

3/5 stars

Trailer Mania!

New Trailer Mania!

So there's been lot's and lot's of new trailers coming out lately. Let's check out some neat ones together! =]



The Human Centipede:




I've been eagerly anticipating this movie. Adelle:


Ruby Larocca's Belated By Valentine's Lover:


Resident Evil Afterlife:




After.Life



The Twilight Saga Eclipse:



This isn't new but I found it and it looks awesome!
Terror Inside:

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Tweets

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Tweet Fest





Okay so I tweeting to Buffy the vampire slayer tonight and thought I'd post it on here incase you missed it. It's just my random thoughts, funny comments, and fun facts. Enjoy everyone!

GoreGore_Dancer

Okay commence the Buffy tweets!


GoreGore_Dancer

I forgot David Arquette was a vampire in this movie! #Buffy


GoreGore_Dancer

Kirsty Swanson reminds me of Juliette Lewis in some ways. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Sasha Jenson who plays Don in Dazed in confused in this movie! I didn't remember that either. He looks evil! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Why does no one notice Sasha's huge vampire ears and pointy teeth? #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Now he's hissing this is getting ridiculous. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

"Your a dike and I'm telling the world"-some old biker talking to a high school girl, real mature. Haha #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Spandex is sexy! Oh yeah and leg warmers! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Whoa Buffy just attacked that guy with her vagina,now that's talent folks! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Donald Sutherland sure knows how to lure high school girls away into cemeteries at night. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Paul Reubens has some wicked cool hair going on. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Hilary Swank plays a good preppy tard. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Ooohhh Buffy just got dissed at the school dance! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

It's frightening for me to say, but Luke Perry looks cute in this movie. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Out of everything a vampire could do..crashing a high school dance? #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Don't talk shit about Paul Reubens hair. He'll bite you and then ride away on his scooter. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Luke Perry just drop kicked a motha fucka! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

HAHAHAHA! Paul Reubens has the best death EVER! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Wow, this vampire leader is a major pedo! #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

This guy uses the tactic of being a "vampire" to stalk young girls. You sir are a pervert. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

That was a horrible final fight sequence. No one acts very shocked either. They must have vampire invasions often there. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Why does Buffy's moms name come before everyone else in the credits.Her name was Candy. She must have given out a BJ to be at the top.#Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

Someone punch Hilary swank. #Buffy

GoreGore_Dancer

HAHAHA in the middle of the credits Paul is still dying! #Buffy

Well that's all for now.
Word
Aleata

About Screeners:

Please do not write me and ask me to buy your movie and review it, that's what screeners are for. I do not have the money to go out and buy every movie someone wants me to review. If you would like me to review your movie your more than welcome to send me a screener and I will. Yes I do still take suggestions and I love getting them! Just please do not ask me to buy your films. If I want to buy them I will purchase them myself. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but people writing me saying things like "hey buy my movie and review it" is just plain rude. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone I'm just stating it for the record.
Thanks.

P.S. Has anyone seen Clash of the titans yet? Give me feedback! =]

Aleata

Joe Lynch And Adam Green's Road To FrightFest

Okay so I'm pretty sure everyone knows how I feel about Mr Joe Lynch. Well I just came across 5 more road to frightfest shorts him and Adam Green did today, and I am loving them! These are absolutely spectacular..AND Joe gets naked in the 3rd one! Now that's awesome! So anyways these episodes are referred to as American Douchebags in London! The John Landis edition, woo! When Joe dropped the line about Adam having his Troll 2 DVD I just melted, haha.

Just go this link below and watch all 5 episodes! Trust me you'll thank me later!

http://www.frightfest.co.uk/roadtofrightfesd.html

Rogue (2007)

Rogue (2007)
Director:Greg Mclean
Status:Movie Review

Again I would like to apologize for my lack of updates, but I now have access to a laptop again, so reviews will be coming! Oh I know your as excited as I am! I still have been a busy beaver (Wow that sounds sexist and perverted, haha) but I will get reviews up as soon as I can. And I love you guys for still checking back to read my psychobabble reviews. So thanks for sticking with me!




Do you enjoy giant crocodile's? What about dumb people being eaten? What about DICKS BEING BITTEN OFF? I'm just kidding about that last part, but it could have happened. Actually there's a good chance that the giant crocodile took a bite out of someone and severed their dick clean off with it's teeth. Okay well now that I have grabbed your attention I will stop talking about dicks, or will I? It's a mystery to us all. Anyways I'm highly attracted to Crocodile and shark (or any other water dwelling creatures) movies because I have a giant fear of water and what's lurking beneath it. So every horror movie involving water no matter how cheesy it looks I have to watch it. So as you can see this movie was made by Greg Mclean who did the craptastic movie Wolf Creek. My boyfriend was like "why don't they just call it crocodile creek", hahaha. Yes, I find that extremely funny! And shit why didn't they? It would sum the movie up a whole lot better than "rogue". Oh you naughty misbehaving crocodile! Anyways I've been fighting with myself about this movie all day. It radiates amazing tension from the moment the humongous crocodile tips over the boat until the tour group escapes, then it gets retarded. I was well aware that disappointment would come, but a good chunk of this movie was pretty awesome! If someone enjoys a-creature-from-the-filthy-depths-is-going-to-eat-the-shit-out-of-all-of-you movie, it's Aleata! Here's where the problem arises. There was way to many survivors for my taste. I'm one of those people who wants to see everyone get offed, because I purely enjoy it. I enjoy yelling at my t.v. things such as "GET OWNED", and "BITCH THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE TURNED AROUND AND RAN"! Yes, I'm typically a really amusing and fun person to watch movies with, especially in the theater. I don't hold anything back. I also will not keep anything from you guys in the review. So here goes with Rogue, enjoy folks! =]











This movie is about Kate Ryan (Radha Mitchell) who gives boat tours for "Ryan's wildlife cruise" in the Australian outback. And Pete (Michael Vartan) who's a journalist who's traveled from America to write a story about the tour. He typically writes stories for his job about resorts, hotels, restaurants, etc. So anyways Kate gets her tour group together which consists of Mary Ellen (Caroline Brazier), Simon (Stephan Curry), Gwen (Celia Ireland), Russell (John Jaratt), Elizabeth (Heather Mitchell), Allen (Jeff Morrell), Merv (Barry Otto), Everett (Robert Taylor), and Sherry (Mia Wasikowska). Kate's Ex Neil (Sam Worthington) and his friend Collin (Damien Richardson), also follow them around and harass the tourists for a minute before Kate puts Neil in his place. And in his place I do mean in the water where his dick is then bitten off by a giant croc OH I GOT YOU AGAIN! Seriously though, she knocked him in the water. Anyways this group of tourists is like a group of the dumbest people alive. In my opinion they all should have bit the dust. I'm like cheering the whole time for the crocodile, "COME ON I KNOW YOUR HUNGRY YOU MARKED THOSE BASTARDS NOW EAT THEM"! And what happens..a good chunk of the cast walk away unharmed, you know what that does to Aleata...makes her upset. So the group is floating along peacefully in their boat when one of the tourists notices a flare through his video camera. Oh sir you've just doomed yourself and all the others..oh wait! No you didn't because half the cast lives! So it's procedure for Kate to check out the scene and make sure everything is okay. She starts the boat towards the flare and a little bit later BAM BAM boat gets raped by the big ass crocodile! She wrecks the boat into the stupidest place possible and they are now trapped on a tide island. So when the tide comes up the entire island will be under water and they will all be fucked in the ass.

Then Neil and Collin drive by in their little speed boat showing off and get a good rapin too leaving Collin eatin, their boat sunk, and Neil on the island of fucked individuals. So the group of dipshits put their heads together and come up with some of the most idiotic plans ever. Plan 1 is Neil sneaky swims across to the other patch of land with a rope, he ties the rope to a tree on the other side for everyone to pull themselves across. But of course when your with a group of morons something is going to always go wrong. In this case like 4 different things go wrong. How can you fuck up something so simple, so bad. Just ask these cats. In any case plan 2 is hatched, they get a big fish hook with some big dead fish on it and shake it around on a rope on the other side of the island as a distraction. The plan goes halfway okay because half of the idiots even the old ass bitch with the kid that can't swim make it across, but then CHOMP Bye bye Kate. So Pete takes Kate's dog and tries to find the others, but ends up in the mouth of the crocodile head quaters. He finds Kate partly chewed up but still alive OF COURSE. Her dogs get eaten and Pete has to fight the beast one on one, which looks extremely horrible and lasts to long if you ask me. The first time he pokes the croc with a stick it bites it in two, but for some reason the second time it lunges itself at the stick impaling itself through the head and dies. WOW. Make sense, not much, but that's all she wrote.












For awhile this movie makes me feel like I'm watching a wildlife documentary. It does have beautiful Australian scenery shots, but perhaps to many for me to handle for a horror movie. There are few funny parts of this movie, but one of them is the fat lady with a fanny pack hitting on Neil at his first appearance. The dialogue that goes along with that scene is pretty funny. I laugh at the whole aspect of this fat lady wearing a fanny pack. But then she tries to get all sexy and sassy up on these Australian's, and tries to take photographs of their dicks (that's not a joke). Then there's the old ass lady (who always makes ridiculous faces) who has a 13 year old daughter...is that even possible? I'm just going to pretend that she adopted her, so I don't get any disturbing thoughts. So the middle part of the movie is good. The intensity of it really built up well, but they just shoot down my hopes toward the end. When their stuck on the island it's fun and spooky to watch, especially because it gets really dark out, making the threat of the crocodile scarier. Also I have to mention the music at that point in the movie is fantastic! It reminded me of the Kronos Quartet in Requiem for a dream. Has that extreme sound that just gives you shivers. He's just lurking out there in the black water waiting to pop out and eat someone. That's entertainment.

The design of the crocodile, like the way they showed parts of him until the end was also really cool. Because you show a CGI tail or CGI teeth and you know it doesn't look that bad, but when you show a whole CGI crocodile in light it looks so fucking shitty. Everyone knows how much I despise CGI! I can only stomach it in small increments. The effects that they did have you know like Kate's injuries did look pretty good, and Pete's half eaten hand. Now he's going to have to get some butt bones surgically implanted where his fingers used to be, like Shia LaBeouf. Dun Dun Dunnnn. As I mentioned before the location was beautiful and everything was quite accurate. I also liked the look of the tour boat it did remind me of Hatchet for a minute. I do mean the boat and the whole swamp look that the river has. I would also like to mention that Kevin the dog was a spectacular actor and the best in the movie! I got very butt fucking upset when the croc ate him, but not the fucking idiotic people. Michael Vartan has the fakest screams in the entire world, haha. I have no idea what made these people decide to make the end so boring. The fact that so many ignorant people lived pissed me off, the fact that the guy killed the big croc in the simplest way pissed me off, the fact that Kate has just been eaten by a giant croc and lives pissed me off, the fact that this big croc didn't have any vengeful babies pissed me off, and last but not least the fact that Greg Mclean directed this movie pissed me off. I'm feeling a little clear headed now I have that out of my system. What does this movie teach us boys and girls? Bring stupid people all together in a huge angry crocodiles territory! *Thumbs up*




I'm going to have to rate this movie a 3/5 stars. It gets that rating because the middle of the movie was so good and had me on edge. And because I'm such a freak about water, even though I'm a Scorpio, a water sign. What a contradiction I am.

Shrooms (2007)

Shrooms (2007)
Director: Paddy Breathnach






Okay I just want to say I enjoy this movie. I have no problem with this movie it's the quote they put on the cover that aggravated. Let me introduce you to something reasoning. Alright the quote is "Blair witch on acid" --Lucyvine.zoo Now this annoys me for a number of reasons. First off the kids are not on acid their on shrooms, so why would you reference acid? Acid does not give the same trip as shrooms. Secondly the blair witch is by far one of the dumbest movies ever made, so I wouldn't want to compare them to it. Thirdly only "blair witch on acid" couldn't have put written something partially intelligent about it. Hahaha, I'm sorry but it bugged me and I had to get that out of my system. No offense to the person who wrote it, your quote just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways who gives a shit we must move forward to the review!






Shrooms is a horror mystery with a hallucinagenic journey into the macabre. A group of friends Tara (Lindsey Haun), Jake (Jack Huston), Troy (Max Kasch), Lisa (Maya Hazen), Holly (Alice Greczyn), and Bluto (Robert Hoffman) take a trip to Ireland to take the "Trip of their lives". Instead they get man handled by the shrooms and stalked by some angry backwoods folk, or do they? Jake tells a little tale of kids from a old nearby school being tortured and killed by the sadistic man referred to as the "black brother" (Toby Sedgwick).Now Jake is also the drug expert of the crew and begins informing everyone of what type of shrooms they are searching for. Tara wanders off from her friends and finds the shroom with the black nipple on top of it. There just so happens to be a very poisonous mushroom in season this year that is identical to the one Jake described to everyone. Tara not yet aware that she is about to consume a very deadly shroom swallows that baby. Convulsions and hallucinations insue with no desired end and Tara is really in for the trip of her life. A very bad, very bloody, very out of control, and very permanent trip. She goes to sleep and the next day finds out that Bluto is missing and the rest of her friends are still about to indulge in some brewed shrooms. They all split up in the woods to find Bluto and enjoy their trip, and they start to get knocked off one by one by weirdo's or supernatural forces. Anyways Tara starts getting premonitions about her friends dying and they come true. So all this madness mixed together and you get Shrooms. I, along with my sister Tiara guessed what was going to happen sometime at the beginning of the movie. But I still wouldn't want to call it predictable. It's to much fun to call predictable you just want to go with the flow.






Now a lot of things about this movie tickle my pickle especially the tagline "get ready to get wasted". Just reading that and viewing the awesome cover art makes you want to watch the movie. One of my favorites scenes is Bluto's interaction with the hallicinatory cow. Not only was it well played by Robert, but fucking hilarious! Very much what someone on shrooms would do. I have to address the cinematography Oh. My. God. ! Nanu Segal I raise my glass to you! That location makes me cream in my pants, I would love to go there and camp out. The woods are amoung some of my favorite on screen woods, which are also extremely spooky. If I was in those same woods and someone was telling a ghost story I would definitely be getting shivers up my spine. The actor Toby who plays the black brother has intimidating and alarmingly dysfunctional body language. His movements are some of the most awkward and disembodied I've ever seen. He reminds me of a marionette, like someone is pulling his limbs along disjointedly with strings. It's a lot of fun to watch his performance. There's not that much gore, but they don't slow down on the blood spill. The actors all did a fine job doing what they do. Lindsey Haun's face annoys me so bad. I can't put my finger on it, she's just one of those people I hate looking at. She's a fine actress, I just dislike looking at her face for more then 2 seconds. Also if you haven't caught it Lindsey sings the second song in the credits. It's all about details people, haha. And surprisingly there's no boobs in this movie, but you do get a glimpse of some hairy armpits! Yum! Also for a minute of the movie I could have swore it was a tampon commercial. You'll see what I mean. I'm also a fan of axes as murder weapons it kind of reminded me of Lucky Mckee's The Woods when I thought about it, but it's completely different. I loved the decaying school house they used at the end as well. It's like you can almost smell how musty it looks. When you get that kind of effect from a movie you know it's good stuff.









One thing I wish they would have elaborated on was the intensity of the hallcinatory state the friends were in. They should have showed vivid hallucinations the friends were having while they were being pursued by the murderer. I'm not going to lie, I've done shrooms, and if I was tripping around 2 completely psychotic backwoods bums talking about sleeping with pigs and how sandpapery bull calves tongues are. I'd be fucking freaking out! I mean you really need to feel that level of insanity from that persons perspective, and it would have made the movie that much more frightening. I mean one of the scariest things in the world is having a bad trip, no doubt! One because your no longer in reality while being there. Anything could happen anyone could take advantage of you in that state of mind. You could wander off and get lost, or you could very easily walk into traffic and die if no one was watching you. Or you could be stuck in your head in a very bad place. And very much become scarred for life. There is no end to what could occur while being doped up in a hallucinatory coma. The thought of it really makes me nervous and my palms sweat. So that's the basic reason that I'm highly (no pun intended) attracted to drug-horror movies. They bring something real yet absolutely horrifying to the table. The way I've seen some film makers play with the genre has just blown my mind for instance...The Jackhammer massacre, Cookers, and Side FX. The horror in these movies is a great sense of terror, but the fact of these people being junkies, or taking a mystery drug bought on the street is even scarier. My point is is that movies based on some type of reality are a different type of horror,a much powerful type. Could you imagine if it happened to you? You just keep asking yourself while watching it, "what would I do in that type of situation"?