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Friday, July 23, 2010

Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou

Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou (1987)
Director: Bruce Pittman
Status: Movie Review

This is another one I remember from when I was a littlin'. The one image burnt into my memory was the snarling, drooling rocking horse in Vicki's room. It was funny because my sister Brittany asked me about what movie it was recently and I was like "you know, I don't remember". But then about 2 weeks later Brittany buys Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou and runs downstairs like "I know what it is"! It's brilliant the way she always finds movies at the right time. This movie actually seems like it should be in the Nightmare On Elmstreet series. With all the macabre happenings, high school kids, and possessed inanimate objects. It has an extreme dose of Freddy-esque material, but that's how it stands apart from the other prom night films! It's like if a nightmare on Elm Street and Carrie had a love child, this movie would be that raving, blood drenched, demented child. It makes for a jolly and gorey good time! And oh you hear Aleata say this a lot, it's one of my favorites! I really enjoy me some 80's horror flicks, and Prom Night 2 is definitely a winner!

So let's cut to where else, the 80s! Ow owwww! So the story revolves around Vicki (Wendy Lyon) a high school girl who begins to get haunted by Mary Lou Maloney (Lisa Schrage). I would like to throw in that Lisa Schrage is fucking gorgeous and I would ask her to the prom any day! Her features are just so perfect and she has those big beautiful light blue eyes. Mary Lou 30 years ago was a trashy rebel that everyone viewed as a popular goody two shoes girl, whom everyone loved and voted prom queen. But her current square boyfriend Bill (Michael Ironside) finds her messing around with her delinquent lover Buddy(Richard Monette) behind the stage at the school dance and freaks. His bout of insanity leads to Mary Lou being caught on fire while she's accepting her prom queen crown on stage. The opening sequence with Mary Lou in the confessional saying she did vulgar things and then writing her own number inside the box under "for a good time call" is sooo classic and fanfuckingtabulous! It's one of those scenes I just watch and impulsively yell out "hell yeah", haha. Anyways Mary Lou is such a fun character you automatically like her and want to see what she does next, well at least I did. I felt the need to side with her the entire film,as per usual. Everyone gets their heart broken in high school, but who actually goes out and sets their ex on fire. Haha, what a dickhole. Plus the guy looks partially bald in high school, and that just makes me not like him. Boo on you creepy psycho bald man! But the scene where she flails around enveloped in flames is pretty brutal. We get to watch her literally toast like a marshmellow, now that's a good time betches! So back to Vicki, she's young, blonde, popular, and Mary Lou wants that body. Not in a sexual way, but to possess and cause trouble with. I actually would like to express the fact that I think Wendy Lyon is ugly as hell, she looks like a freakin old woman. She seriously reminds me of a tacky old Amish woman. Vicki and her boyfriend Craig(Justin Louis) are planning to happily attend the school prom, but Mary Lou is soon going to change that. Oh and did I mention that Craig is Bill's(Bill is also the school principal) son? Yes, it's getting extreme up in here! So up until prom Vicki's friends are mysteriously dying in the most awesome ways possible! Then Mary Lou completely possesses Vicki's body and has a good ol' time with it. By that I do mean she does a number of really twisted, fucked up things. Then she takes Vicki's body to the prom to cause a butt fucking crazy massacre. Once she emerges from Vicki's remains and takes full Mary Lou form, and the real chaos and bloody mayhem ensues!

We get some of the most beautifully fucked up scenes in this movie. Don't believe me? Well then let me give you a little taste of writer Ron Olivers madness. There's a scene where a chick who just found out she's pregnant gets offed, an incestuous make-out scene between Vicki and her own father, a sexually charged rocking horse licking his lips(ooohhh creepy), Vicki takes a swim in a chalkboard(one of the best scenes), a borederline rape scene, and a girl gets smashed inbetween some lockers when Mary Lou sings a catchy tune. If you weren't curious a little bit ago, you should be now and it only gets better. This is a movie that for one reason or another is quite memorable. As I've said before I'm still not quite over the traumatizing rocking horse scene. I also remember there being another movie with a creepy rocking horse, but the scene took place in an attic...does anyone know what I'm talking about? Because me and Ian can never figure it out. Anyways another thing I enjoy about this movie is all the colors, the set design, the characters clothing, etc. And they also did something movies usually avoid for some reason, showed the main characters tits, and bush for that matter, and just her whole naked body! I mean that's awesome in my book, but they usually show like the random slutty friends tits, not the heroines. Yeah, Aleata loves boobies, what of it?!?.

Also this movie has some of the most catchy quotes you'll ever hear. My favorite is.."There's no god Buddy, and there's no heaven, and you know what pissed me off the most? There's no fucking wings"! Then there is all the nifty little one liners Mary Lou says, hey she's from the 50s, what do you expect? "See you later Alligator", is pretty common but still sounds good when she says it. Along with the highly original deaths, the special effects are magnificent! So *High five* Jim Doyle and William Guest! It's funny because Jim Doyle also did the special effects for the first Nightmare on elm street and a Friday the 13th, pretty neat! You know I've just realized that I really enjoy horror movies that take place at the prom. There's something about people being slaughtered on a strobe lit dance floor that really gets me. You'll probably notice that I don't have a paragraph for the things I "dislike", because I pretty much liked everything in this movie. It keeps your attention no matter what's going on in it. So I really can't complain, the movie is just that damn enjoyable. I think it's always so much funner when movies take a supernatural approach, other than the flesh and blood killer type. You have a lot more options in the creativity department, and they really go all out. And I can't stress enough how much I adore unhappy endings.

5/5 Stars..I like it, I like it a lot!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Danny DeVito Does Horror

Danny DeVito Does Horror
Status: Horror Info

So I heard on Fangoria that Danny DeVito was getting himself into horror awhile ago, and was totally stoked! Well I finally found out from one of my geek connections where we can find this amazing man's work. So along with John Albo his partner, Danny has been making short horror films for their website
So After you approve the fact that your 18 or older, get on that site and watch these!

Wow! I've been watching all of the flicks today and I gotta say, they are pretty neat. I especially enjoyed the short entitled "Raw" about a vegetarian boy who has a butcher father, who tries to force him to chop up cattle and such. It has a very fitting ending to it. And Dummy had me in fucking stitches! Danny Devito punching a bitch was pretty f'n hilarious. Not to mention they are seriously going all out with the blood and gore! Anyways the site is filled to the brim with fun stuff such as horror shorts, blood factory web store, blog, photo galleries, and plenty of updates to let you know what they are doing next.

Also in their new updates; Danny DeVito and his entire crew will have their own booth at The San Diego Comic Con 2010. How awesome is that? I really wish I had the cash to go to one sometime, I mean this would be one of the first booths I'd hit up. At their booth you'll be able to make your own horror film and then they are doing a live panel Friday, July 23rd at 9:30pm in room 5AB. That's in a couple days people, so if your going, keep it in mind!!

Also The Blood Factory has their own page on definitely be sure to check these out! Anyways I'm really looking forward to anything new that will come from them, so I will positively keep you folks updated!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Happiness Runs (2010)

Happiness Runs (2010)
Director/Writer: Adam Sherman
Status: Screener Review

So Happiness runs is a drug induced craziness, teenage angst, brainwashed hippies, celebration, and mainly growing up in a hippie commune with no sense of direction flick. As it says at the beginning of the movie, it's based on a true story. All the actors in this flick are B.E.A Utiful! Starring as the main kids are Hanna Hall(The virgin suicides, Rob Zombies Halloween) as Becky, Mark L. Young(CSI, Big Love, Sex Drive) as Victor, Jesse Plemons(Observe and report and Varsity blues) as Chad, Steven Christopher Parker(Bad Blood, My suicide) as Teo, Laura Peters(Text , Without a trace) as Rachel, Tyler Steelman(17 again, The sweet life of zack and cody) as Nardo, and I saved the best for last..Shiloh Fernandaz(Deadgirl, Skateland, Wasted, Red) as Jake. Have I mentioned how much I adore Shiloh? Rewind to my Deadgirl review and I think you'll understand. Anyways we also have some spectacular actors playing the adults such as Rutger Hauer(Buffy the vampire slayer,Sin city), Andie Macdowell(Four weddings and a funeral, As good as dead), and Mark Boone Junior(Dead birds, 30 days of night). So after reading through the synopsis I glimpsed at Shiloh's name and got a little out of control. Shiloh plus crazy ass hippie brainwashing, I'M DOWN! For some reason Shiloh is not credited in this movie on, what the heck? Come on people he's SHILOH FUCKING FERNANDEZ, please catch up with the rest of us.

Okay let me start out saying I never got to see the cover art because I received a screener, and when I found it, I was impressed. If I saw that sitting on a shelf at the video store it would definitely make me want to rent it, you can tell these kids look a little dysfunctional on it. And I love fucked up kid movies, especially Larry Clark films. That man knows how to bring you real trauma! He blew me away with movies such as Kids, Bully, and Another day in paradise. I'll pry eventually review all of those, but that's not the case now. I get off topic so ridiculously easy. Anyways you get a really melancholy feel from the cover and then it has the tagline "generation lost", Love it! It would be 10 times better though if Shiloh Fernandaz's face was somewhere on there. Someone named Aleata would have really appreciated that! Anyways a group of kids that have grown up in a little hippie utopia have all become drug addicts, freaks, and uhm sluts. So we follow mainly the characters Victor and Becky. Victor is hell bent on leaving the community, but his mother won't give him his rightly owed cash monies. Becky has come back from college to take care of her cancer ridden dad, and is very depressed and acting out in a whorish manner. By that I do mean she's banging every guy she comes into contact with, ugh! That's no way to drown your misery..drugs and sex? Now you're dad will still be dying and you will find out you have AIDS AIDS AIDS! Yep, I couldn't help myself. Anyways one of the things that disturbed me was seeing Hanna Halls tits constantly, she looks like a little girl, it was creepy. Made me feel like a total pervert. What’s up with Hanna playing suicidal characters, haha. So Victor is the cutest little romantic and happens to be in love with Becky(like a couple other guys she’s fucking) and wants to take her away with him. She finally agrees and he’s like the happiest person ever, and this is after he finds out she just slept with Jake. At that point I would have been like, “bitch, go home”!

So when I first ordered the movie, I only knew A. that Shiloh Fernandez was going to be in it, and B. that it was about a bunch of old crazy hippies. I had no idea they were going to be focusing on the teenagers lives completely. It really didn't say much about them in the description. When I started watching it and got past the credits, I'm just like "fuck yeah"! I have a total thing for drug movies, I don't know why. They are always entertaining and pretty awesome, especially drug-horror. So there is so much groovy(I’m using this word in a Bruce Campbell way, not hippie) shit about this movie. First off these hippies have a fucking ferris wheel in there little commune, so people can just ride it when they want. I’m sorry, but that’s what the fuck I’m talking about! When I was little I always imagined getting rich and buying the zipper to put in my backyard. How badass would that be? But there is also a lot of twisted shit about this commune. For instance the fact that everyone fucks this OLD Insley(Hauer) guy, like all these young girls. You have to be a complete idiot to believe the shit the main men in the commune are talking about. It’s like yeah they are considering it “brainwashing”, but how stupid do you have to be to get brainwashed? Especially into fucking a bunch of saggy old men, EWWW! There's a scene that made me laugh when the character played by Junior is talking to a group of naked chicks. He's all like talking about them relaxing and floating yadda yadda yadda, then he's like "and everyday you become more and more attracted to me". Eeeek! The Insley character had made a comment to Becky when she was little. He drew a square on her ass and said it was his piece of ass, then when she was older he said, “he’s come to collect his piece of ass”. Oh my fucking god, how absolutely creepy is that? They also just let their kids run around and do drugs and drink. There’s a scene where these 10 year olds are smoking a joint in a tree, haha. Okay, I know you’re hippies, but it’s called child endangerment.

So the story continues as everything and everyone goes downhill. The Rachel character has a bit of a self mutilation problem. We see this when she goes to have sex with Chad, he goes to pull down her pants and her thighs are completely covered in scars. I actually really liked that scene, it sorta surprises you out of nowhere. Jake apparently has a drug and whore problem, but we get to see Shiloh look extremely sexy the whole movie. I would also like to mention that being stuck in a boring wilderness most of the time, these kids have great style! The Halloween costumes they wear in the movie are really neat as well. All the shots of Becky walking around in her angel costume were mind blowing. The director really knew how to convey that sense of loneliness and somewhat insanity she was plagued with after finding her father dead. A few more deaths happen as the movie comes to a close, but I’ll let you guys see for yourselves.

Another very nice touch to this movie is the fuckin’ kickass soundtrack. It’s made up of artists such as Siouxsie and the Banshees, Buzzcocks, Bad brains, The Blue oyster cult, The avengers, UK subs, The Descendents, Joy division, and A flock of seagulls. That’s not all the bands, but most. So someone has quite outstanding music taste. It was shot in Malibu, California and the location was flippin’ beautiful. There’s so many great quick and trippy scenery shots, the sky was especially gorgeous! Well enclosing I would like to share a quote with you from the movie that I found very enjoyable. This is said by the pedoperv Insley and the line after that by one of his brainwashed whores. “I hear the angels trumpeting”, “Well tell the angels to fuck off”! This made me log roll down a flight of stairs with joy I thought it was so funny. I bet your wondering how I was so close to a T.V. and a flight of stairs...SHHHHHH! Go on with your bad self and see this movie!
5/5 Stars

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

New Banner

Thank you Chuck Conry from over at he makes the best banners!! Above you will see AJ Bowen in the middle with his sunglasses on looking like a badass. The picture is from the movie "The Signal", if you haven't seen it, then why not?!. Go, and watch it! The other two actors in the picture are Scott Poythress and Cheri Christian. I thought it was a great shot, and AJ is just to freakin' fantastic in this flick!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

BloodBath In The House Of Knives (2010)

Bloodbath in the house of knives(2010)
Director: Ted Moehring
Status: Screener Review

Okay this film I received from writer/director/producer/editor/cinematographer Ted Moerhing. That's a true independent filmmaker right there, doing everything yourself! This is Ted's first movie and he describes it as "a Giallo homage in the tradition of Bava and Argento". It's being released by Alpha video and will be available July 27th. The movie is available to pre-order on Amazon and other online sellers for those of you interested. This was also one of the movies mentioned in Troma founder Lloyd Kaufmans book "make your own damn movie"!. Man I really don't know how Lloyd does so many movies all the time, he must be the busiest man in the film world! So lets get onto the review kiddies!

The plot/story is quite simple to follow and predictable. Bloodbath in the house of knives is a cheesy slaughter movie about a girl named Ivy (Anne Reiss) who is being stalked by a gold masked killer. Detective Bliss (Joseph Michael) is assigned to the case and together they try to figure it out. So we get tits in the first 5 minutes of the movie, which is always a good sign to me. The opening scene they get right to business with the killer murdering a girl right off the bat. Not to mention she has her throat brutally slashed and is then raped with a knife(AWESOME)! Then we get to meet our heroine who is receiving threatening phone calls from a random creeper. I just don't understand why she wouldn't have reported that to the cops sooner. They set up a number of suspicious characters that the killer could be throughout the movie, but it's not a big surprise when you find out in the end who it is. Anyways Ivy is put under surveillance by the police, but everyone around her ends up dead as disco. That is until the killer decides that they are done playing and it's time for the big reveal. And the plot thickens and the torture begins...well somewhat. Until the detective senses something is wrong and comes back to check on Ivy. The ending is pretty unexciting, but effective enough for the popcorn horror audience.

First off I have to point out the cover art, it's fantastic! Hey, the cover art is an important part of your movie, you want to attract an audience. It's a major plus in the business. Right when I look at it I think "grindhouse flick". I would have to say this is quite a popcorn flick. Now let's move on to the movie itself. The editing was really good, this movie was pieced together very well. The special FX were all really good and natural looking except for the stab at the end of the movie, I don't understand what happened there. So high five to the special FX team Marnie Beitz and Tyler Rankin. A scene that I'm fond of is the one where the girl is tied up and her flesh is being pierced with those long needles. Always an enjoyable sight to behold. There's a good soundtrack to the film as well, it's a mix of punk-ish to metal-ish music. The basic soundtrack was okay as well, like I said the editing was really well done. Of course there was a homage to Dario Argento's lighting in films, which always works out nicely I think. It's a slick way to enhance the tension in movies and really adds to the atmosphere. And of course I have to bring up it was awesome to see Mr. Lloyd Kaufman pop up in it, he always puts a smile on my face.

Now onto the downs of the movie. The acting aside from Lloyd Kaufman and the actress who is answering the cops questions at her door, was horrid. The actors delivered their lines to quickly without taking a moment to think or breathe it seemed. So all their dialogue comes out all mumbled together, and it's hard to get into these characters when they are badly portrayed. There's really no connection to the characters, so we don't give a crap if they get offed or not. That's not always a bad thing in a movie though, it can be extremely fun to cheer for the deaths of people. There's always that one character that your like, "god damnit if someone does not rape that fucker with a hammer and then bash his brains out, I'm going to lose my mind"! The blonde guy who's talking about just buying a pair of gloves when it's clearly summerish out had me laughing for about two hours. I know, I know, I'm easily amused. I know why it was placed into the plot, but I still find it hilarious. I don't think that's something that anyone would usually question. But I'm not anyone, so yeah.
All in all this is a movie to sit back and watch while your getting crunk. You'll find it has everything a popcorn slasher needs...boobs, blood, and a crazed maniac. Isn't that what life is about? Yeah, I thought so! You can count on me to keep any eye out on any new Ted Moehring projects in the future.
2/5 Stars

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009)
Director: Jack Perez
Status: Movie Review

Oh. My. God. This movie straight shocked me, and I couldn't stop watching. Do you want to watch washup ex-popstar Debbie Gibson as a serious scientist? Or maybe a giant CGI shark eat a plane whole after jumping a bazillion feet in the air? Or maybe you just want to see some CGI tentacles for fucks sake?!. Wait, no! I bet you want to see a CGI shark eat a CGI golden gate bridge in one chomp, and then people overact sadness? Muahaha, just say yes to one of these and we'll move on. YES, well then yes it is! Let's move on I have much to share with you!

So we are introduced to Emma (Deborah Gibson) a scientist who is pretty much a fish herself being so in love with the ocean and studying it. Emma and her partner Vince (Jonathan Nation) steal a submarine from their work and go exploring in the ocean, which results in them releasing trillion year old sea creatures that were frozen in battle ages before. What were those creatures you ask? MEGA SHARK AND GIANT OCTOPUS! Let's not fuck around folks these are two vicious prehistoric CGI maniacs that will consume anything! And I do mean ANYTHING! So the monsters are on the loose and mega shark does not take anytime to stop and smell the sea coral, he eats a plane! All the while giant octopus goes on the move to assault some Asians on the other part of the world. After Emma finds a huge ass shark tooth in a butt fucking gargantuan whale washed up on the beach, she calls her mentor and ex college professor Lamar (Sean Lawlor) to help her figure out exactly what it is. From there on they compose a team of scientists to fight the out of control sea creatures, they are like 13 year old hoodrats that someone put in a room full of old men, alcohol, and crack. Anyways the team is made up of Seiji Shimada (Vic Chao) who ends up falling in love with Emma and banging her in a broom closet, Allan (Lorenzo Lamas), and a few other random navy type individuals.
Alright so 10 minutes of the movie is Debbie Gibson, an old guy, and an Asian guy pouring blue liquid into a test tube and carrying it around in every scene. When they should be finding some type of information to capture the giant sea creatures that are wreaking havok at that very second. Then up next comes the cheesiest sex scene. What the hell kind of scientists just do the deed in the middle of a world crisis, so that's why no one gets anything done around here! Go figure! The American government officials are all banging eachothers brains out in broom closets, that's why we're trapped in a recession. Anyways after Emma gets her brains fucked out she realizes that a chemical attraction is just what those scientists need. So they release some type of hormone juice to attract the creatures to eachother, but instead of banging they fight to the death. In what is one of the worst on screen CGI creature final battles EVER! The octopus squeezes the shark and the shark takes a bite out of the octopus, but before the octopus falls to the sea floor it kills the shark. I think I would have preferred to watch them have awkward interspieces sex..yeah... I said that. Then Emma and her Asian live happily ever after doing probably even more boring stuff.

There are way to many scenery shots for it's own good, not to mention the location titles as well. It's ridiculous every scene we get another location title...well how many fucking places can this movie actually take place in, it's not that complicated of a story. It gets to the point where you're falling asleep because it's not moving fast enough. This isn't a nature documentary, so stop dragging us along at such a pace! They even give us location titles when the previous scene was in the same location, what the fuck?!. Was that really appropriate? As the audience of your movie, are you calling us stupid? Yes, I can identify the lab that these bad actors have been pow wowwing in for the past hour. And lines like this will make you laugh hysterically, "wooo who wants sharkskin boots?" The thing that really irks me is that we don't get to see any blood and guts, which makes the film boring. Come on this is a movie with a giant shark and octopus they should be ripping people's body parts off into itty bitty pieces and chomping them up, WHAT THE FUCK? Give me a gore, or give me a great fucking story....what happened here? Oh yeah, it's a SYFY movie. What was I thinking? I saw the scene of the shark eating the plane and just HAD to watch it, haha. Before we end this review I'd just like to bring up the fact that it's funny that whales burst into pieces when washed up on shore. I remember seeing that in the Reno 911 movie first and was in a fit of hysteria. So before we leave off of this great journey together, I'd like everyone to close your eyes. And I do mean after you read this...just picture a big sperm whale washing up some shore after a failed fight with a mega shark. Now I want you to imagine that same whale spontaneously combust miles into the cloudy blue sky in slow motion. Maybe even imagine a piece of bloody whale blubber(still in slow motion) bash into the side of a senior citizens unsuspecting face. The blood does the splatter effect all over that wrinkly old face of his, and he flies back through the air on impact, crashing into the side of a porta potty that someone is taking a shit in. The person emerges from the porta potty in complete disillusionment only to find this old man has been impaled by a rusty piece of coke can, yes coke can. The man who didn't have time to wipe his ass runs for help(still in slow motion) and we all cheer. Are you feeling that same euphoric relief I am? Good! Now you can carry on with your life knowing that reading this review was totally worth it.

What am I going to give this movie you ask..
2/5 Stars for the shark eating the plane scene

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Acting and Horror Effects Workshop With Clu Gulager

I got word from one of my very favorite people in the horror world, Mrs. Diane Goldner, about someone in her family. So check out the acting and horror effects workshop with the great and infamous Mr. Clu Gulager!
Follow the link below to read more:

This sounds more than amazing and I wish I could attend it like crazy! Seriously if I had the money that's where I'd be! To get taught acting and special FX by CLU FREAKIN' GULAGER! That's a once in a lifetime opportunity! Anyways hope you guys take some interest in the article and enjoy!
Oh and Thanks Diane for the heads up!

Happy 4th Everyone!

Happy 4th of July everyone, don't get murdered!!

With Love And Gore,
Aleata Illusion

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Top 10 Greatest(and campiest) B Horror Movies Ever!

Okay this is not my list, but Christian from over at shot me an e-mail to let me know about it. Now I wouldn't post about it unless it's something I enjoy/respect and people I LOVE this list of movies! Please be sure to give it a quick read, I'm sure you'll agree with me.
Great list Sara!