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Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Taint Christmas!




Don't have anything to do for Christmas and love insane independent horror films? Have I got the movie for you! Drew Bolduc has informed me that they will have "The Taint" up on Megavideo today for viewing. Now that's a Christmas gift! A really fucked up one that will probably change your entire perspective on the world for the worse. ENJOY!

Curious? Check out the link below, it's worth it!
http://www.megavideo.com/?v=FGJCBZAL

For more information, check out the official website!
www.taintmovie.com

Monday, November 22, 2010

Sorry

My laptop has been crashed for like the past 2 weeks and I have no idea when Toshitba is planning to get it fixed. So I won't be able to update anything. I'll let you guys know when I'm back on the net. Thanks. Hope your all doing well.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Scream 4!!

All I have to say is YES! I love all the Scream movies and can't wait to see 4,5, and 6!!! The scream movies hold a special place in the guilty pleasure section of my heart. I don't give a ballsack what anyone says, I can't wait!
Trailer 1:


Trailer 2:


Trailer 3:


Scream 4 on entertainment tonight:





Joe Lynch and Adam Green at it again!

OH MY FUCKING GOD! How did I get this news NOW? How did I miss something this fucking amazingly important to my life! I'm going crazy over this! Please for the sake of your own good, read this!
http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com/news/topnews.php?id=16863
Best news I've heard since Knights of badassdom! Ohhh, I <3 that man!

Cult Siren Interview!

Check it out!
http://fetish.cultsirens.com/aleata-illusion/index.html

Thursday, November 4, 2010

New Sucker Punch Trailer!

Jesus fuckass! I've been DYING to see this flick! There is nothing better than a kick ass chick flick! Anyone see the similarities between this and Rick Jacobson's Bitch slap (2009). I do, they are even releasing the same type of promotional posters that Bitch slap did.



I still want to see it. It is set to be released in 2011. From the director 300 and Watchmen, Zack Snyder. Written by Zack Snyder and Steve Shibuya. Starring Emily Browning, Vanessa Hudgens and Abbie Cornish.




Here's the synopsis from IMDB.com: "A young girl is institutionalized by her wicked stepfather. Retreating to an alternative reality as a coping strategy, she envisions a plan which will help her escape from the facility."



Monday, October 25, 2010

Photography FB page!

Hey guys, just wanted to let you know I have a Facebook page up for my photography. There's not much on it yet because I'm going to start shooting in January, but I thought I'd get the page out of the way. You will be able to contact me through the page to set up shoots, I'll post photo's, information on upcoming events, photography shows, etc. If your on FB and would like to add it, you can follow this link:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Aleata-Illusion-Photography/161855790501852
Aleata Illusion Photography

Promote Your Page Too
If you have any questions feel free to ask me Ispeaktodestroyx@aol.com or leave a comment below!
Thanks!
Aleata

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Flying Croc and Zombiewalk News!

This isn't remotely related to horror movies, but it could be one. Yes, one I'm going to make based on this insane event that took place in the Democratic Republic, Congo. Okay so recently a crocodile got loose on an airplane, the spontaneous croc caused a stampede, which triggered the airplane to tip and then crash into a house and caused the deaths of 20 people, one survived to tell the story. The crocodile did survive, but some dickhead with a machete murdered him when he was sifting through the wreckage. WAIT, WHAT?!?!!. First of all, who the fuck is sneaking crocodiles on board a damn plane? Second of all, who the fuck let this idiot sneak the crocodile on the plane? This asshole brought this crocodile along to sell to someone, ASS HOLE! Then the group of people on the plane were so retarded that they all jumped to front of the plane causing it to nose dive into a house right beside their landing destination. Why does this make me laugh my ass off? So this taintlicker has been wrangling this crocodile into a sports bag and somehow couldn't manage to do the same thing when it finally escaped. This crocodile should not be blamed, poor little guy! Maybe one day people will stop smuggling wild animals into their luggage on airplanes..jesus christ. I had to share this because it's just so fucking ridiculous. As you may have realized there was one survivor from the flight, and that how this story was retold. How did they survive that flying croc? We may never know! I do know that people are fucking morons and it wouldn't surprise me if this same incident happened like a million more times. Aleata Illusion can do nothing but just shake her pretty little head.
On a sidenote, this Friday is the zombie walk in Kent! Who's coming?? I'm gathering the troops and creating my sexy zombie outfit this week! Totally stoked! I'm also available to help with costumes and do zombie make-up. If you need me let me know people! Let's do this! We will also be going to a Halloween party at a punk rock bar afterwards, so let me know if you want to come! I will see you guys there! =]

Photography Blog!

AS I've explained before I'm a photojournalism major, and I've been a photography nut my entire life. I've been taking pictures since I could hold a camera. So now I'm finally doing my photography thing, and I started a photography blog on Tumblr. It was just my personal blog, but I changed it because it is PERFECT for my photography. Tumblr is an amazing site to use for it. I'll be setting up shoots with people in January, that's when I'll be getting my brand new camera and such. If your in the Ohio area and would like to set up a shoot with me, send me an e-mail at Ispeaktodestroyx@aol.com and put "photograph me" in the subject. I get a ton of e-mail everyday and if I see the title I can pick them out and reply A.S.A.P. Anything else is usually deleted and thought of as spam. So please make sure to do that! Also include your name, phone number(or e-mail/website to contact you on), where you would like to shoot, and what type of shoot you want it to be. If your not sure what you want to do, let me know and we can further discuss it. I'm full of idea's so don't be afraid to approach me about it. If you would like to see examples of my work, I'll be posting photo's on my blog and facebook. If you have any other questions, please feel free to write me and ask. On a sidenote, I'm a very busy person, so the sooner you contact me about a shoot, the sooner you will be placed on my shoot list. First come first serve type deal.
Thanks!
Anyways here's the link to my photography blog:
www.goregoredancer.tumblr.com
Hope you guys are doing peachy!
=]
Aleata Illusion

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Update 10/16/2010

Hello everyone!
Hope everyone is doing peachy, just wanted to say a couple things. School is going okay for me, I'm changing my major though already. I've been busy as hell, which you've noticed because I haven't done much updating to my blog. I'm going to try to change that as soon as possible though, I promise you. I started behind in school because I didn't have my books for like 3 weeks, and I'm still in the process of catching up. I had to move at the beginning of school to and have had an insane amount of stuff on my plate. Film making has been on the back burner for me and it really sucks. I've been doing a lot of modeling though. I'll post some new photo's below for you to enjoy. So after I get caught up and have free time I'll try to post updates with some video blogs, or reviews. I've been meaning to do some video blogs they just get lost in my head with everything else I need to do. I'm also interested in getting started in bar tending, which is going to be fun! Have been studying up on my drinks. The only thing about that is having to deal with crazy drunks hitting on me. Haha. Anyways what has everyone else in the horror world been up to? Seen any good movies you can recommend?

Vintage photo shoot for Violet Velvet Studio


I'm known dead!


Jessica doing my make-up before the shoot


Ladies in red


Ladies of the Glendale Cemetery


Photo's by Emily Speelman and Tommy Sullivan
Other Models: Stephanie, Jessica, and Scott.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Catacombs (2007)

Catacombs (2007)
Director: Tomm Coker and David Elliot(Written by both as well)
Status: Movie Review



Well for some reason I wanted to see this movie even though it looked like "An American werewolf in Paris" rip off. That was my first assessment of it, but after watching it, there was a lot more to it. So it caught my attention as one of the movies I should review. Plus I would love to run around some catacombs myself one day, creepy awesome! =] There’s actually a museum in Palermo, Sicily, Italy in the catacombs with walls covered in actual human bones. It fascinates the shit out of me, and I would die to visit that place. Someday, it’s gonna happen!
Italy Catacombs







The story follows Victoria(Shannyn Sossamon, one the the shittiest actresses in horror history or just flat out HISTORY) as she receives a postcard from her sister Carolyn(Alecia Moore AKA the pop singer Pink) saying "Come to Paris, I think it will be good for you." So she packs her bags and flies to Paris to broaden her horizons. I would just like to blatantly state that Pink has a Saint Bernard head the size of Texas+Mexico, and I don't enjoy staring at her face and huge forehead for an extended amount of time. Why do loser pop singers always try to infiltrate our horror scene when no one likes them anymore? Get outta here! I don't want to be disturbed by your shitty acting in a decent movie. Anyways, Victoria arrives in Paris and meets up with her sister, they go back to Carolyn's crib to kick it for awhile and then run off to a party. Her friends throw huge butt fucking roofie bashes in the catacombs under the city, but they do it in a different place every night, so as to not get caught by the po-po or the "catacops" as they call them.
Victoria is pretty hesitant to begin with, but then she gives in to peer pressure, and goes shopping for a new outfit to par-tay in! They arrive and the party gets started with some creepy ghost stories and absinthe. The group of prankster French friends tell her the story of a boy who was kept in the catacombs and was inbred. He was tormented his entire life and made to be a killing machine. Oh and did I mention he wears a bloody goat head, and is crazy rabid? So anyways Veronica gets angry with Carolyn because she doesn't want to swim, she wants to go back to the party. Don’t throw a bitch fit or anything. Carolyn and the others won't walk her back, so she gets pissed and wanders off herself. Carolyn catches up with her and bitches at her about getting lost, when all of a sudden, BAM! Carolyn's dumbass gets her throat slashed, which leaves Victoria lost and alone in the catacombs with an inbred maniac after her.








The whole movie works and everything, but seriously these people should have known better. Some people being put in live or die situations revert into survival mode, and will end up stabbing you with the closest pointy thing, as we witness here. It's just not that good of an idea to lock someone in catacombs alone, then have someone wielding a weapon chase them around and “kill” people in front of them. Then be stupid enough to leave ACTUAL weapons laying around everywhere. Obviously there's going to be some type of freak accident, come on now! Not to mention mixing all that madness with the aftereffects of absinthe. Those people must have a death wish. Who would want to do something that screwed up to their sister anyways? We've all pulled some practical jokes on our siblings at one time or another, but this? I'm talking hiding behind a door and jumping out, or hiding in their closet in a Ghost face costume, or even hiding under their bed and grabbing their legs. I've done all those things might I mention, haha. But Seriously? I'd stab my sister to death too, shit! That's just crossing the line of "I'm not crazy, you're a crazy bitch" type of thing. That what happens when you put Pink in a movie, SHE DIES! She was pretty retarded to go to the airport covered in blood. She wouldn't make it home. A French policeman with a curled moustache and shiny shoes would torment the truth out of her, then they’d bring her down to the catacrime scene and rape her to death. The End.








Saturday, September 11, 2010

HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN!

Wow, I got word of this movie from Scott over at Anythinghorror.com
Holy shit! I can't wait to see this! We get to see Rutger Hauer as an angry shotgun wielding crazed hobo, and fuck does it look badass!



You can also see more fun stuff at it's official website www.hobowithashotgun.com
Enjoy, I sure as hell did!

I'm Alive!

Hello everyone, just wanted to let you know I'm still alive and kicking. I'm in the moving process right now, but I will be buying a laptop next week, so you know what that means? Yes, I will be back to frequent updates! I know it's shocking! I have so freakin' much to catch up on, but I will! Anyways check out this amazing photo from one of my new shoots. My friend Emily shot it, and I felt the need to share it's amazingness! I have a bazillion more on facebook. www.facebook.com/AleataIllusion





So anyone looking forward to any new horror flicks coming out? Talk to me, I've been somewhat out of the loop lately.
Aleata

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Aleata Explains It All

Hey everyone, I know I haven't updated my blog in like almost an entire week, so I wanted to share what's going on in my life. I'm starting at Kent State the 30th, I've been getting ready for school, packing, and preparing for my going away party I'm having tomorrow. I've been extremely busy, so I haven't been writing that much. I am, however, buying a new laptop soon. It's just between all the stuff I have to do, I don't know if I'll be updating this blog more or less. I just finally went crazy and was like "I can't do this anymore, I need to do something now". I don't want to sit around this boring, loser town doing nothing with my life. I'm about to be 24 and haven't even made a full length movie yet, so I made a decision. I need to meet new people, and learn new things. Out with the old and in with the new. I'm actually not going for film to your surprise, and my own. Kent doesn't have a film program anyways. I will be taking photojournalism, which really suits me. I'm not giving up on film though, I have lot's of plans for continuing what I'm doing. With school though I think I'll be able to have more time to focus on the stuff I need to. Anyways also wanted to say thank you guys for still reading, and hope everyone is doing great! I'll try to update as much as I can.
Oh and along with everything new in my life, I decided "why not have some new hair too".


Friday, August 13, 2010

Happy Friday The 13th!

Wow, these days are few and far between, but are they not wonderful? I mean when someone is not getting their throat slit, or their limbs hacked off? Wait, we don't care about that! Anyways just wanted to say HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH EVERYONE! Have a good one, and watch out for people on killing spree's!


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Another Talk About Screeners




So, I had my first encounter with someone being rude over a crappy screener. Look over to the left side of the screen and read where Aleata wrote that she is "brutally honest in reviews". I'm not going to sugarcoat anything, If I think your movie is bad, I'm going to say so. Anyways let's get back to this person. I was being constantly harassed by this person to review their movie over and over again. I have a busy life, and also get quite a few movies to review. So being harassed constantly by this person pissed me off pretty bad. Then after I finally post the review, obviously it wasn't to the person's liking, because they went straight into ignore mode. Listen here, If I take time out of my day to write a review about your movie, which is promoting it anyways to my readers, don't cope a fucking attitude with me! You know beforehand that I'm not going to be kissing everyone's asses, have you read half of my reviews? If you're rude to me, do you think I'm going to want to review anymore of your crappy(Or perhaps good) movies? Pry fucking not!
If you send me a request to even watch a movie, I'm on it, eventually. Haha. I'm pretty cool when it comes to helping out independent filmmakers, etc. If you are polite and ask me to review your movie, I'm going to review it. But don't get a tude with me if it's not to your liking. I'm not going to lie to my readers, everything you read here is exactly how I feel, and what I think about these things. So please, in the future, be polite, or I won't deal with you again. Period. You are the one coming to me for help, so please know how to act. Let's just say if you don't want anything bad said about your movies, then don't make movies. Somewhere along the line your going to have to deal with criticism, that's how things work. I review movies. That's what I do. Remember that.

Women's Studies Info

Okay, well I've been sent a lot of release material about this movie and haven't had a chance to post anything about it. So I thought better late then never. I'm trying to clean out my e-mail, and get all this stuff posted. Here's all the info I received, read up, and enjoy!






Three Preview Clips from Women's Studies! DVD Extra Sneak Peek!

5/25/10 - For the third of four (4) weeks of sneak previews of WOMEN'S STUDIES, the soon to be released feature-length horror film about The Ross-Prentiss Women's Academy where female empowerment is taken to murderous extremes, Ningen Manga Productions is releasing three clips from the movie, as well as a sneak peeks of a DVD extra!

First up is a clip of Mary (Cindy Marie Martin) expressing her frustration with some young womens' disinterest in women's rights to Senator Gayle Hamlin (Judith O'Dea, Barabra from Night of the Living Dead):
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lioiOVMK-yg

Then there's a clip of Beth (Melisa Breiner-Sanders) being confronted by Ross-Prentiss students Judith (Tara Grawood) and Diane (Kelley Slagle).
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuL2rjGZy9I

The final clip shows Iris (Laura Bloechl) and the ladies of Ross-Prentiss including Melissa (Tiffany James) at the home of Iris' parents to right the wrongs of her father.
Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUq3LkN8xWQ

Also this week is a two-and-a-half minute excerpt from the "Lady Killers on Women's Studies" featurette, a conversation about themes and characters in Women's Studies. The clip features footage from a deleted scene, as well as interviews with writer/director Lonnie Martin, producer/actor Cindy Marie Martin, and actors Tara Garwood, Kelley Slagle, and Melisa Breiner-Sanders.
Check out an excerpt from the "Lady Killers on Women's Studies" featurette here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoLQmVrvA3M

WOMEN'S STUDIES will be released on DVD JUNE 8. 2010 through the Big Bite Entertainment label at R-Squared Films, and is currently available for pre-order via Amazon. Look for a final special feature to be released next Tuesday leading up to the DVD release.


DVD Sneak Peek - Watch the Women's Studies "Prequel"

To celebrate the June 8th DVD release of Women's Studies, Ningen Manga Productions' feature length movie about a women's academy where female empowerment is something to kill for, the filmmakers are giving audiences an early look at some of the special features included on the DVD.

First up is a deleted scene introduced by writer/director Lonnie Martin, The Black Widow "Prequel," the sequence that originally opened the movie. It chronicles the tale of three frat boys who think they're in for a night of strippers and fun, but end up having a party that's far more sinister. See, the nightclub they go to is run by the ladies of the Ross-Prentiss Women's Academy, so the last thing these boys are getting out of tonight is a good time.

Check out The Black Widow "Prequel" from Women's Studies here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FP-GFw908kQ

Ningen Manga Productions will release a total of four (4) sneak peeks of DVD extras every Tuesday in the month leading up to the June 8th DVD release. Be sure to check the official site, www.AreYouALadyKiller.com , to get the latest information. And don't forget to pre-order your copy of Women's Studies via Amazon.

This week it's a two-and-a-half minute excerpt from the "Duel of the Goddesses" featurette, a behind-the-scenes look at the fight scenes featured in Women's Studies. The featurette features fight rehearsal and audition footage, production photos, alternates takes, and interviews with writer/director Lonnie Martin, producer/actor Cindy Marie Martin, actors Tara Garwood and Kelley Slagle, and fight choreographer Shanna Beauchamp.

Check out an excerpt from the Women's Studies "Duel of the Goddesses" featurette here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql59svLksRM

# # #

Publicity Contact

Women's Studies official site: www.AreYouALadyKiller.com
For more information or to request photographs for publication, please contact Cindy Marie Martin at Cindy@NingenManga.com .
You can also download our Electronic Press Kit (EPK) at: www.WomensStudiesMovie.com/c_News.asp .
Publicity Stills can be downloaded at: www.WomensStudiesMovie.com/Stills.asp

If I find anymore information I'll be sure to update you guys on it.
Word!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Black Devil Doll BobbleHead

Here's something really neat that I was sent in my e-mail. They have released a black devil doll bobblehead! Nice! So anyways check out the info below if you are interested!


BLACK DEVIL DOLL BOBBLEHEAD ORIGINAL PRESS RELEASE:





"Cult Collectibles is proud to announce the release of its first "Weird Wobbler" bobblehead style figure from one of the most outrageous underground films ever made: BLACK DEVIL DOLL! Pre-orders are available now with product shipping in September 2010!



The 2008 film is the story of an executed Black militant who is reincarnated into a vicious ventriloquist’s puppet, causing endless mayhem and murder (to put it mildly). Widely hailed by cult film aficionados and simultaneously condemned for its overt (yet completely tongue-in-cheek) offensiveness, Art Ettinger of Ultra Violent magazine stated, "Black Devil Doll is a triumph, seamlessly blending crass un-PC humor with cerebral artistry. The Lewis Brothers deliver one of the most original exploitation films of the new millennium, a singularly unique mix of brain and brawn."



Owner of Cult Collectibles, Mark Jason Murray comments, “I became a tremendous fan of the film even before I saw it and when I started brainstorming what would be the perfect license to launch my toy company, BLACK DEVIL DOLL seemed to be the best fit. Thinking as a collector and fan, this is something that I would love to have in my own collection and since the film character is essentially a “toy” it was an easy choice. From a business perspective, I know the film already has a rabid fan following and that the film’s creators would be able to provide an incredible amount of publicity for it right out of the gate. I am also very keen to work with people who I considered friends.”





The figure was created with great attention to detail while still allowing it to have an identity of its own. "A lot of time was spent getting the details of the figure just right," states Murray. "It was still important for the figure to appear as a characature, which the bobblehead format is famous for, but only slightly as anything "cute" would have gone against the character in the film. It's really very accurate, from the subtleties of the facial expression down to its boots."



Besides holding a knife in one hand, even further details were included to help bring out the spirit of the film character and one of the film’s biggest jokes. “What started as a simple afterthought during the initial planning of the figure turned out to be one of the figure’s best features and one of the most difficult to obtain. We wanted the figure to be holding a bucket of “Oakland Fried Chicken” and initially it came back looking like Colonel Sanders on the bucket which was the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to look like so after multiple design revisions it finally got to where it needed to be and it brings a whole new level of hilarity to the figure that I am sure fans of the movie will really enjoy. I am very happy with everything about this figure. It was great to work with the creators of the character and film and perhaps we can collaborate on something else in the future.”



Murray’s company strategy is simple. “I really want to do figures that put Cult Collectibles in a category of its own and this provided me with the ability to do just that. I anticipate the figure will sell out quickly.”





Cult Collectibles is already at work on three future limited edition “Weird Wobbler” figures scheduled for release late 2010/early 2011:

- The “Demon Doll” will pay tribute to the Italian horror films of actress Geretta Geretta (Lamberto Bava’s DEMONS, Lucio Fulci’s MURDEROCK, RATS: NIGHTS OF TERROR, etc.)

- The “head wound girl” from Lucio Fulci’s THE BEYOND (in association with GRINDHOUSE RELEASEING)

- Lucio Fulci from his film CAT IN THE BRAIN (in association with GRINDHOUSE RELEASING)





BLACK DEVIL DOLL “Weird Wobbler” details:

-Limited edition of 1,000 hand numbered figures

-7 inches of lightweight polyresin

-housed in a full color retail box designed by BLACK DEVIL DOLL poster artist, Stephen Romano

-Special exclusive BLACK DEVIL DOLL trading card available ONLY during pre-order period through www.cultcollectibles.com

-Pre-orders available now with figure scheduled to ship by mid-September 2010



For more information on Cult Collectibles visit: www.cultcollectibles.com

For more information on Black Devil Doll visit: www.blackdevildoll.com





- Mark Jason Murray

www.cultcollectibles.com ("Figures From The Fringe")
www.rudyraymoore.com (Official Website)

www.filmfanaddict.com (DVD reviews, news, etc.)"

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Grudge 3 (2009)

The Grudge 3 (2009)
Director: Toby Wilkins
Status: Bad Movie Review




Reminds me of Jack and the beanstalk

This is such a BAD movie I HAD to review it, because I just have so many nice Aleata-friendly things to say about it. One of my best friends Adam King passed away and I got a good chunk of his movies, and this just happened to be one of them. Seriously this is one of the only bad ones, Adam has fantastic taste in movies. So I can't help myself I've been in a real foul mood lately, so time to vent some of that anger. Funny-Anger that you guys are going to giggle yourself to sleep thinking about. I really enjoyed Toby Wilkins movie Splinter, so when I saw that he directed this movie, I was extremely disappointed. What were you thinking Toby? This movie failed in all it's appalling aspects.

Alright before I unleash my unstoppable Aleata shit talking terror on this movie, let me give you a quick synopsis. This is the third movie in the grudge trilogy, for those of you who haven't seen them, you don't want to. It jumps around a bit in the beginning. We're at a mental institution, then in Japan, then back in America. But if you have a brain you'll keep up with everything. It's pretty simple, just like the entire movie itself. The whole thing just drags along slowly, even when we are watching people get killed. That is pretty much all off screen anyways, GAY!
This story focuses on a family of an oldest brother Max (Gil McKinney), second oldest sister Lisa (Johanna Braddy), and the littlest sister Rose (Jadie-Rose Hobson). Rose has some problem where she needs a breathing tank, because she has these little bitch fits. You know really bad gasping convulsive fits of idiocy on the floor, that's actually a disease? I thought they just called those alcoholic seizures(inside joke). Anyways they are living in a apartment building that Max is working at and trying to rent out the rooms. BUT there's something evil lurking in the apartment and killing people. Something slithering on the floor like a snake and rubbing your face while your trying to sleep. WHAT IN GODS NAME COULD DO SUCH A THING?!?!!!. I'm telling you now, if some little naked Asian kid came front rolling at me on a stair landing screeching like a rabid cat, that little fucker would be punted right through the railing. I'm talking a round house to the face. Aleata Illusion doesn't play that shit! I guess this family is just a bunch of poon tangs, so they are scared of these supernatural forces of dead retards. So more strange happenings start taking place in the building, along with a few deaths, and that's about it. Shawnee Smith(Amanda from Saw) makes an appearance as a doctor to a boy who gets killed by the spirit at the beginning of the movie. So Shawnee gets offed, then Andy(Beau Mirchoff) Lisa boyfriend she bangs all over the building gets offed, the building manager gets meowed to death, and some Asian broad gets offed by Max...that's about it. If I'm put through complete garbage, I always demand TITS and GORE! This does not deliver ANYTHING! The characters are horribly stupid, especially Lisa, of which the movie focuses most on. She pretty much realizes all the things going on when it's about to late, and her brother is a possessed maniac. Really lady? How could you miss the signs? The Asian lady tells her, she's see's dead people around her apartment, and people are dying everywhere, then her brother gets possessed, And mainly that little Asian boy imitating a dying cat obnoxiously everywhere.. How stupid can you possibly be? Does she also not know the difference between her asshole and her mouth either? When the Asian lady(who's sister died there) comes back to save the day, Lisa just grabs her sister and runs off like a big pussy. She only wanted Rose to ingest some AIDS infected blood, what's wrong with that? You've saved the day Rose, but now I'm sorry to inform you that your an 8 year old with AIDS! Tricky tricky Asians, you knew there was a catch right? I'm bullshitting you about the whole AIDS prospect, but that should teach you guys not to drink someone's random bowl of blood. Aleata Illusion even hands out life lessons in movie reviews, BAM!







So if I see one more god damn, bad American remake of an already BAD Asian movie, with little ghost kids meowing like cats...I swear to fuckballs! It's not scary, I laugh for like a couple seconds then want to burn my eyes out with a red hot poker. The kid doesn't even move his mouth, he just has it wide open and a cat sound coming out. Secondly the whole doing front rolls on stair landings and crawling like a legless person on the floor doesn't need to be done in a movie ever again. I don't understand how that is scary whatsoever either. Let's move onto the actors, watching these actors try to struggle through every scene with their shitty NON-acting abilities made me want to special delivery myself anthrax. What's so special about the special effects you ask? NOTHING! It's a bitch crawling on the ground in fast forward looking like a palsy victim in white paint. I'm sick of people bragging and carrying on about how original these American remakes are. Then there's the people who see Ju-On, and there like "did you see the original, it's so amazing, and blah blah blah" trying to impress. They sit at home with their copies of The Grudge and Pulse thinking there has been a break-through in cinema. NO! Listen here betches, you want to watch a real good Asian film, try Wild Zero, Red Eye, or Riki-Oh: The Story Of Riky. I'm Ill tempered about these movies because they don't deserve credit, there's nothing remotely spectacular about them. The American idiots who remake these movies, just want to get some quick cash. They know nothing, and they prove that as we all have to bear witness to the trash. They are repetitive, and boring.
The opening credits weren't original, but they were okay looking. Let's talk about the Asian heroine. First off the Asian lady Noako(Emi Ikihata) who plays her can't imitate an Asian accent worth a shit. I could mimic it better than she does. Lady, you are fucking Asian, what is wrong with you? You don't have any relatives that speak broken English in their Asian accents. You can't even watch a Kung-Fu movie and learn to imitate them. You ma'am are a bad actress, now you shall be stoned! Not like weed, but like "she's a witch stone her". If you think you're fooling anyone with that accent, you were clearly smoking crackrocks in between shooting. I also love in movies when a dead body is being removed from the scene of the crime by the paramedics, and the dead persons head always gets covered up at the last second and someone sees it. That's all bullshit, you know they cover that shit up before they would even have left the room. I'm a sucker for details. Then we have a completely random scene of Max scraping lettering off a glass door. They make the scene seem like he's sitting in a Saw room trying to escape a trap. With all the fast shots, and awkward extreme noises, it was way ridiculous and uncalled for. Because the fact that he's doing his job scraping letters off a door is so important to the plot. Another scene that was ridiculous was the one where the big sister comes back to save the little sister. Okay, she's peeks around the doorway, and the brother is right in front of her, I mean right there. She yells "ROSE" and somehow magically he doesn't hear her. Then the little sister walks right by him and they run off. You know, he just didn't seem to notice anything at all. The scene was way to long as well, I played an entire game of SORRY waiting for it to end. Then one of the most retarded scenes in the movie(Aside from every other scene) is when Max starts running himself into a wall like Helen Keller. *Shakes head* I rest my case.






Get your dick breath out of here lady!


This movie screams YOU'VE SEEN ME BEFORE, I SUCK! There's not one new or fresh thing about this movie. It's part of a deplorable trilogy, in which every movie the exact same thing happens. The only thing that changes is the lame characters, and no one likes them anyways. Butt fucking bad actors! We saw the ending coming from a mile away, and BOO to that!
0/5 Stars

Here's my much cooler interpretation of the Asian cat boy:


Here's the trailer, shows a bit of all 3 craptastic Grudge movies:


Friday, August 6, 2010

About Twitter

Okay, for some reason my followers unfollow, then follow me again. I'm guessing it's twitter being glitched. Because it's also dicking with my followers, making me unfollow people mysteriously all the time. If this happens, please re-add me, and I'll follow you back again.

Thanks!

Aleata Illusion

www.twitter.com/GoreGore_Dancer

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Aleata Illusion Facebook Fan Page

Hey everyone, I was having so much fun on facebook I decided to make a Aleata Illusion facebook fan page type deal. If you would like to add me, please indulge yourself. I'll post news about myself, my blogs, my films, and anything else Aleata related. Also I will post pictures and discussions on it. Also keep in mind it's an open page, anyone can add it. Thanks!

You can "like" me here:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Aleata-Illusion/133784209992912

Aleata Illusion

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Roger Corman Presents SPLATTER

Splatter
Director: Joe Dante
Status: Web Show Update!





Splatter is something I was really freakin' excited about. I heard about it awhile ago, and was like "that is just to fucking cool"! Splatter is brought to us by the legendary Roger Corman, Written by Richard Christian Matheson, Directed by Joe Dante, and stars the one and only Corey Feldman! I heard it was airing on netflix.com, but now it is also available to watch on www.hulu.com . I gotta say I'm about to go watch these, and get back to you guys about them. I mean I had a big enough crush on Corey when he was in "Bordello Of Blood". Mmmmm Corey in a leather jacket, and then as a vampire, SCORE! So to see him again as a rockstar type, is extremely exciting for me. Not in the I'm going to masturbate to his on screen personality way or anything..pfft..whatever I know you guys are giving me that strange look...but don't turn away, I have more to talk about! The show also stars Mark Alan, Tara Leigh, Stuart Pankin, Tony Todd, and Erin Way. Now I'm not sure if this was just a one season sort of thing, or if they have more in the works, but I'll be sure to let you guys know. Or shit, if you know, let me know. Haha.





Here's the synopsis on hulu:
"Death metal lead singer, Jonny Splatter, commits suicide after uttering a voodoo curse. His former lead guitarist, bass player, manager, psychiatrist and lover are invited to his eerie Hollywood Hills mansion to hear the reading of his will. Each will get what is coming to them and it's not at all what they expect. And to their horror, they'll discover that Jonny is not quite as dead as they thought".

Now let me explain the catch to this show. After every episode the viewers were able to vote on who they wanted to bite the dust next! I love the whole idea of that and can't wait to see what happens!
Here's a teaser that I found on youtube:


And what the hell are you waiting for, Check out the episodes below:

Friday, July 23, 2010

Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou

Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou (1987)
Director: Bruce Pittman
Status: Movie Review






This is another one I remember from when I was a littlin'. The one image burnt into my memory was the snarling, drooling rocking horse in Vicki's room. It was funny because my sister Brittany asked me about what movie it was recently and I was like "you know, I don't remember". But then about 2 weeks later Brittany buys Prom Night 2: Hello Mary Lou and runs downstairs like "I know what it is"! It's brilliant the way she always finds movies at the right time. This movie actually seems like it should be in the Nightmare On Elmstreet series. With all the macabre happenings, high school kids, and possessed inanimate objects. It has an extreme dose of Freddy-esque material, but that's how it stands apart from the other prom night films! It's like if a nightmare on Elm Street and Carrie had a love child, this movie would be that raving, blood drenched, demented child. It makes for a jolly and gorey good time! And oh you hear Aleata say this a lot, it's one of my favorites! I really enjoy me some 80's horror flicks, and Prom Night 2 is definitely a winner!








So let's cut to where else, the 80s! Ow owwww! So the story revolves around Vicki (Wendy Lyon) a high school girl who begins to get haunted by Mary Lou Maloney (Lisa Schrage). I would like to throw in that Lisa Schrage is fucking gorgeous and I would ask her to the prom any day! Her features are just so perfect and she has those big beautiful light blue eyes. Mary Lou 30 years ago was a trashy rebel that everyone viewed as a popular goody two shoes girl, whom everyone loved and voted prom queen. But her current square boyfriend Bill (Michael Ironside) finds her messing around with her delinquent lover Buddy(Richard Monette) behind the stage at the school dance and freaks. His bout of insanity leads to Mary Lou being caught on fire while she's accepting her prom queen crown on stage. The opening sequence with Mary Lou in the confessional saying she did vulgar things and then writing her own number inside the box under "for a good time call" is sooo classic and fanfuckingtabulous! It's one of those scenes I just watch and impulsively yell out "hell yeah", haha. Anyways Mary Lou is such a fun character you automatically like her and want to see what she does next, well at least I did. I felt the need to side with her the entire film,as per usual. Everyone gets their heart broken in high school, but who actually goes out and sets their ex on fire. Haha, what a dickhole. Plus the guy looks partially bald in high school, and that just makes me not like him. Boo on you creepy psycho bald man! But the scene where she flails around enveloped in flames is pretty brutal. We get to watch her literally toast like a marshmellow, now that's a good time betches! So back to Vicki, she's young, blonde, popular, and Mary Lou wants that body. Not in a sexual way, but to possess and cause trouble with. I actually would like to express the fact that I think Wendy Lyon is ugly as hell, she looks like a freakin old woman. She seriously reminds me of a tacky old Amish woman. Vicki and her boyfriend Craig(Justin Louis) are planning to happily attend the school prom, but Mary Lou is soon going to change that. Oh and did I mention that Craig is Bill's(Bill is also the school principal) son? Yes, it's getting extreme up in here! So up until prom Vicki's friends are mysteriously dying in the most awesome ways possible! Then Mary Lou completely possesses Vicki's body and has a good ol' time with it. By that I do mean she does a number of really twisted, fucked up things. Then she takes Vicki's body to the prom to cause a butt fucking crazy massacre. Once she emerges from Vicki's remains and takes full Mary Lou form, and the real chaos and bloody mayhem ensues!

We get some of the most beautifully fucked up scenes in this movie. Don't believe me? Well then let me give you a little taste of writer Ron Olivers madness. There's a scene where a chick who just found out she's pregnant gets offed, an incestuous make-out scene between Vicki and her own father, a sexually charged rocking horse licking his lips(ooohhh creepy), Vicki takes a swim in a chalkboard(one of the best scenes), a borederline rape scene, and a girl gets smashed inbetween some lockers when Mary Lou sings a catchy tune. If you weren't curious a little bit ago, you should be now and it only gets better. This is a movie that for one reason or another is quite memorable. As I've said before I'm still not quite over the traumatizing rocking horse scene. I also remember there being another movie with a creepy rocking horse, but the scene took place in an attic...does anyone know what I'm talking about? Because me and Ian can never figure it out. Anyways another thing I enjoy about this movie is all the colors, the set design, the characters clothing, etc. And they also did something movies usually avoid for some reason, showed the main characters tits, and bush for that matter, and just her whole naked body! I mean that's awesome in my book, but they usually show like the random slutty friends tits, not the heroines. Yeah, Aleata loves boobies, what of it?!?.








Also this movie has some of the most catchy quotes you'll ever hear. My favorite is.."There's no god Buddy, and there's no heaven, and you know what pissed me off the most? There's no fucking wings"! Then there is all the nifty little one liners Mary Lou says, hey she's from the 50s, what do you expect? "See you later Alligator", is pretty common but still sounds good when she says it. Along with the highly original deaths, the special effects are magnificent! So *High five* Jim Doyle and William Guest! It's funny because Jim Doyle also did the special effects for the first Nightmare on elm street and a Friday the 13th, pretty neat! You know I've just realized that I really enjoy horror movies that take place at the prom. There's something about people being slaughtered on a strobe lit dance floor that really gets me. You'll probably notice that I don't have a paragraph for the things I "dislike", because I pretty much liked everything in this movie. It keeps your attention no matter what's going on in it. So I really can't complain, the movie is just that damn enjoyable. I think it's always so much funner when movies take a supernatural approach, other than the flesh and blood killer type. You have a lot more options in the creativity department, and they really go all out. And I can't stress enough how much I adore unhappy endings.

5/5 Stars..I like it, I like it a lot!













Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Danny DeVito Does Horror

Danny DeVito Does Horror
Status: Horror Info





So I heard on Fangoria that Danny DeVito was getting himself into horror awhile ago, and was totally stoked! Well I finally found out from one of my geek connections where we can find this amazing man's work. So along with John Albo his partner, Danny has been making short horror films for their website www.thebloodfactory.com
So After you approve the fact that your 18 or older, get on that site and watch these!

Wow! I've been watching all of the flicks today and I gotta say, they are pretty neat. I especially enjoyed the short entitled "Raw" about a vegetarian boy who has a butcher father, who tries to force him to chop up cattle and such. It has a very fitting ending to it. And Dummy had me in fucking stitches! Danny Devito punching a bitch was pretty f'n hilarious. Not to mention they are seriously going all out with the blood and gore! Anyways the site is filled to the brim with fun stuff such as horror shorts, blood factory web store, blog, photo galleries, and plenty of updates to let you know what they are doing next.





Also in their new updates; Danny DeVito and his entire crew will have their own booth at The San Diego Comic Con 2010. How awesome is that? I really wish I had the cash to go to one sometime, I mean this would be one of the first booths I'd hit up. At their booth you'll be able to make your own horror film and then they are doing a live panel Friday, July 23rd at 9:30pm in room 5AB. That's in a couple days people, so if your going, keep it in mind!!

Also The Blood Factory has their own page on www.youtube.com/thebloodfactory definitely be sure to check these out! Anyways I'm really looking forward to anything new that will come from them, so I will positively keep you folks updated!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Happiness Runs (2010)

Happiness Runs (2010)
Director/Writer: Adam Sherman
Status: Screener Review



So Happiness runs is a drug induced craziness, teenage angst, brainwashed hippies, celebration, and mainly growing up in a hippie commune with no sense of direction flick. As it says at the beginning of the movie, it's based on a true story. All the actors in this flick are B.E.A Utiful! Starring as the main kids are Hanna Hall(The virgin suicides, Rob Zombies Halloween) as Becky, Mark L. Young(CSI, Big Love, Sex Drive) as Victor, Jesse Plemons(Observe and report and Varsity blues) as Chad, Steven Christopher Parker(Bad Blood, My suicide) as Teo, Laura Peters(Text , Without a trace) as Rachel, Tyler Steelman(17 again, The sweet life of zack and cody) as Nardo, and I saved the best for last..Shiloh Fernandaz(Deadgirl, Skateland, Wasted, Red) as Jake. Have I mentioned how much I adore Shiloh? Rewind to my Deadgirl review and I think you'll understand. Anyways we also have some spectacular actors playing the adults such as Rutger Hauer(Buffy the vampire slayer,Sin city), Andie Macdowell(Four weddings and a funeral, As good as dead), and Mark Boone Junior(Dead birds, 30 days of night). So after reading through the synopsis I glimpsed at Shiloh's name and got a little out of control. Shiloh plus crazy ass hippie brainwashing, I'M DOWN! For some reason Shiloh is not credited in this movie on IMDB.com, what the heck? Come on people he's SHILOH FUCKING FERNANDEZ, please catch up with the rest of us.



Okay let me start out saying I never got to see the cover art because I received a screener, and when I found it, I was impressed. If I saw that sitting on a shelf at the video store it would definitely make me want to rent it, you can tell these kids look a little dysfunctional on it. And I love fucked up kid movies, especially Larry Clark films. That man knows how to bring you real trauma! He blew me away with movies such as Kids, Bully, and Another day in paradise. I'll pry eventually review all of those, but that's not the case now. I get off topic so ridiculously easy. Anyways you get a really melancholy feel from the cover and then it has the tagline "generation lost", Love it! It would be 10 times better though if Shiloh Fernandaz's face was somewhere on there. Someone named Aleata would have really appreciated that! Anyways a group of kids that have grown up in a little hippie utopia have all become drug addicts, freaks, and uhm sluts. So we follow mainly the characters Victor and Becky. Victor is hell bent on leaving the community, but his mother won't give him his rightly owed cash monies. Becky has come back from college to take care of her cancer ridden dad, and is very depressed and acting out in a whorish manner. By that I do mean she's banging every guy she comes into contact with, ugh! That's no way to drown your misery..drugs and sex? Now you're dad will still be dying and you will find out you have AIDS AIDS AIDS! Yep, I couldn't help myself. Anyways one of the things that disturbed me was seeing Hanna Halls tits constantly, she looks like a little girl, it was creepy. Made me feel like a total pervert. What’s up with Hanna playing suicidal characters, haha. So Victor is the cutest little romantic and happens to be in love with Becky(like a couple other guys she’s fucking) and wants to take her away with him. She finally agrees and he’s like the happiest person ever, and this is after he finds out she just slept with Jake. At that point I would have been like, “bitch, go home”!

So when I first ordered the movie, I only knew A. that Shiloh Fernandez was going to be in it, and B. that it was about a bunch of old crazy hippies. I had no idea they were going to be focusing on the teenagers lives completely. It really didn't say much about them in the description. When I started watching it and got past the credits, I'm just like "fuck yeah"! I have a total thing for drug movies, I don't know why. They are always entertaining and pretty awesome, especially drug-horror. So there is so much groovy(I’m using this word in a Bruce Campbell way, not hippie) shit about this movie. First off these hippies have a fucking ferris wheel in there little commune, so people can just ride it when they want. I’m sorry, but that’s what the fuck I’m talking about! When I was little I always imagined getting rich and buying the zipper to put in my backyard. How badass would that be? But there is also a lot of twisted shit about this commune. For instance the fact that everyone fucks this OLD Insley(Hauer) guy, like all these young girls. You have to be a complete idiot to believe the shit the main men in the commune are talking about. It’s like yeah they are considering it “brainwashing”, but how stupid do you have to be to get brainwashed? Especially into fucking a bunch of saggy old men, EWWW! There's a scene that made me laugh when the character played by Junior is talking to a group of naked chicks. He's all like talking about them relaxing and floating yadda yadda yadda, then he's like "and everyday you become more and more attracted to me". Eeeek! The Insley character had made a comment to Becky when she was little. He drew a square on her ass and said it was his piece of ass, then when she was older he said, “he’s come to collect his piece of ass”. Oh my fucking god, how absolutely creepy is that? They also just let their kids run around and do drugs and drink. There’s a scene where these 10 year olds are smoking a joint in a tree, haha. Okay, I know you’re hippies, but it’s called child endangerment.

So the story continues as everything and everyone goes downhill. The Rachel character has a bit of a self mutilation problem. We see this when she goes to have sex with Chad, he goes to pull down her pants and her thighs are completely covered in scars. I actually really liked that scene, it sorta surprises you out of nowhere. Jake apparently has a drug and whore problem, but we get to see Shiloh look extremely sexy the whole movie. I would also like to mention that being stuck in a boring wilderness most of the time, these kids have great style! The Halloween costumes they wear in the movie are really neat as well. All the shots of Becky walking around in her angel costume were mind blowing. The director really knew how to convey that sense of loneliness and somewhat insanity she was plagued with after finding her father dead. A few more deaths happen as the movie comes to a close, but I’ll let you guys see for yourselves.



Another very nice touch to this movie is the fuckin’ kickass soundtrack. It’s made up of artists such as Siouxsie and the Banshees, Buzzcocks, Bad brains, The Blue oyster cult, The avengers, UK subs, The Descendents, Joy division, and A flock of seagulls. That’s not all the bands, but most. So someone has quite outstanding music taste. It was shot in Malibu, California and the location was flippin’ beautiful. There’s so many great quick and trippy scenery shots, the sky was especially gorgeous! Well enclosing I would like to share a quote with you from the movie that I found very enjoyable. This is said by the pedoperv Insley and the line after that by one of his brainwashed whores. “I hear the angels trumpeting”, “Well tell the angels to fuck off”! This made me log roll down a flight of stairs with joy I thought it was so funny. I bet your wondering how I was so close to a T.V. and a flight of stairs...SHHHHHH! Go on with your bad self and see this movie!
5/5 Stars

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

New Banner

Thank you Chuck Conry from over at www.zombiesdontrun.net he makes the best banners!! Above you will see AJ Bowen in the middle with his sunglasses on looking like a badass. The picture is from the movie "The Signal", if you haven't seen it, then why not?!. Go, and watch it! The other two actors in the picture are Scott Poythress and Cheri Christian. I thought it was a great shot, and AJ is just to freakin' fantastic in this flick!



Saturday, July 10, 2010

BloodBath In The House Of Knives (2010)

Bloodbath in the house of knives(2010)
Director: Ted Moehring
Status: Screener Review




Okay this film I received from writer/director/producer/editor/cinematographer Ted Moerhing. That's a true independent filmmaker right there, doing everything yourself! This is Ted's first movie and he describes it as "a Giallo homage in the tradition of Bava and Argento". It's being released by Alpha video and will be available July 27th. The movie is available to pre-order on Amazon and other online sellers for those of you interested. This was also one of the movies mentioned in Troma founder Lloyd Kaufmans book "make your own damn movie"!. Man I really don't know how Lloyd does so many movies all the time, he must be the busiest man in the film world! So lets get onto the review kiddies!



The plot/story is quite simple to follow and predictable. Bloodbath in the house of knives is a cheesy slaughter movie about a girl named Ivy (Anne Reiss) who is being stalked by a gold masked killer. Detective Bliss (Joseph Michael) is assigned to the case and together they try to figure it out. So we get tits in the first 5 minutes of the movie, which is always a good sign to me. The opening scene they get right to business with the killer murdering a girl right off the bat. Not to mention she has her throat brutally slashed and is then raped with a knife(AWESOME)! Then we get to meet our heroine who is receiving threatening phone calls from a random creeper. I just don't understand why she wouldn't have reported that to the cops sooner. They set up a number of suspicious characters that the killer could be throughout the movie, but it's not a big surprise when you find out in the end who it is. Anyways Ivy is put under surveillance by the police, but everyone around her ends up dead as disco. That is until the killer decides that they are done playing and it's time for the big reveal. And the plot thickens and the torture begins...well somewhat. Until the detective senses something is wrong and comes back to check on Ivy. The ending is pretty unexciting, but effective enough for the popcorn horror audience.


First off I have to point out the cover art, it's fantastic! Hey, the cover art is an important part of your movie, you want to attract an audience. It's a major plus in the business. Right when I look at it I think "grindhouse flick". I would have to say this is quite a popcorn flick. Now let's move on to the movie itself. The editing was really good, this movie was pieced together very well. The special FX were all really good and natural looking except for the stab at the end of the movie, I don't understand what happened there. So high five to the special FX team Marnie Beitz and Tyler Rankin. A scene that I'm fond of is the one where the girl is tied up and her flesh is being pierced with those long needles. Always an enjoyable sight to behold. There's a good soundtrack to the film as well, it's a mix of punk-ish to metal-ish music. The basic soundtrack was okay as well, like I said the editing was really well done. Of course there was a homage to Dario Argento's lighting in films, which always works out nicely I think. It's a slick way to enhance the tension in movies and really adds to the atmosphere. And of course I have to bring up it was awesome to see Mr. Lloyd Kaufman pop up in it, he always puts a smile on my face.






Now onto the downs of the movie. The acting aside from Lloyd Kaufman and the actress who is answering the cops questions at her door, was horrid. The actors delivered their lines to quickly without taking a moment to think or breathe it seemed. So all their dialogue comes out all mumbled together, and it's hard to get into these characters when they are badly portrayed. There's really no connection to the characters, so we don't give a crap if they get offed or not. That's not always a bad thing in a movie though, it can be extremely fun to cheer for the deaths of people. There's always that one character that your like, "god damnit if someone does not rape that fucker with a hammer and then bash his brains out, I'm going to lose my mind"! The blonde guy who's talking about just buying a pair of gloves when it's clearly summerish out had me laughing for about two hours. I know, I know, I'm easily amused. I know why it was placed into the plot, but I still find it hilarious. I don't think that's something that anyone would usually question. But I'm not anyone, so yeah.
All in all this is a movie to sit back and watch while your getting crunk. You'll find it has everything a popcorn slasher needs...boobs, blood, and a crazed maniac. Isn't that what life is about? Yeah, I thought so! You can count on me to keep any eye out on any new Ted Moehring projects in the future.
2/5 Stars

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus (2009)

Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009)
Director: Jack Perez
Status: Movie Review





Oh. My. God. This movie straight shocked me, and I couldn't stop watching. Do you want to watch washup ex-popstar Debbie Gibson as a serious scientist? Or maybe a giant CGI shark eat a plane whole after jumping a bazillion feet in the air? Or maybe you just want to see some CGI tentacles for fucks sake?!. Wait, no! I bet you want to see a CGI shark eat a CGI golden gate bridge in one chomp, and then people overact sadness? Muahaha, just say yes to one of these and we'll move on. YES, well then yes it is! Let's move on I have much to share with you!





So we are introduced to Emma (Deborah Gibson) a scientist who is pretty much a fish herself being so in love with the ocean and studying it. Emma and her partner Vince (Jonathan Nation) steal a submarine from their work and go exploring in the ocean, which results in them releasing trillion year old sea creatures that were frozen in battle ages before. What were those creatures you ask? MEGA SHARK AND GIANT OCTOPUS! Let's not fuck around folks these are two vicious prehistoric CGI maniacs that will consume anything! And I do mean ANYTHING! So the monsters are on the loose and mega shark does not take anytime to stop and smell the sea coral, he eats a plane! All the while giant octopus goes on the move to assault some Asians on the other part of the world. After Emma finds a huge ass shark tooth in a butt fucking gargantuan whale washed up on the beach, she calls her mentor and ex college professor Lamar (Sean Lawlor) to help her figure out exactly what it is. From there on they compose a team of scientists to fight the out of control sea creatures, they are like 13 year old hoodrats that someone put in a room full of old men, alcohol, and crack. Anyways the team is made up of Seiji Shimada (Vic Chao) who ends up falling in love with Emma and banging her in a broom closet, Allan (Lorenzo Lamas), and a few other random navy type individuals.
Alright so 10 minutes of the movie is Debbie Gibson, an old guy, and an Asian guy pouring blue liquid into a test tube and carrying it around in every scene. When they should be finding some type of information to capture the giant sea creatures that are wreaking havok at that very second. Then up next comes the cheesiest sex scene. What the hell kind of scientists just do the deed in the middle of a world crisis, so that's why no one gets anything done around here! Go figure! The American government officials are all banging eachothers brains out in broom closets, that's why we're trapped in a recession. Anyways after Emma gets her brains fucked out she realizes that a chemical attraction is just what those scientists need. So they release some type of hormone juice to attract the creatures to eachother, but instead of banging they fight to the death. In what is one of the worst on screen CGI creature final battles EVER! The octopus squeezes the shark and the shark takes a bite out of the octopus, but before the octopus falls to the sea floor it kills the shark. I think I would have preferred to watch them have awkward interspieces sex..yeah... I said that. Then Emma and her Asian live happily ever after doing probably even more boring stuff.






There are way to many scenery shots for it's own good, not to mention the location titles as well. It's ridiculous every scene we get another location title...well how many fucking places can this movie actually take place in, it's not that complicated of a story. It gets to the point where you're falling asleep because it's not moving fast enough. This isn't a nature documentary, so stop dragging us along at such a pace! They even give us location titles when the previous scene was in the same location, what the fuck?!. Was that really appropriate? As the audience of your movie, are you calling us stupid? Yes, I can identify the lab that these bad actors have been pow wowwing in for the past hour. And lines like this will make you laugh hysterically, "wooo who wants sharkskin boots?" The thing that really irks me is that we don't get to see any blood and guts, which makes the film boring. Come on this is a movie with a giant shark and octopus they should be ripping people's body parts off into itty bitty pieces and chomping them up, WHAT THE FUCK? Give me a gore, or give me a great fucking story....what happened here? Oh yeah, it's a SYFY movie. What was I thinking? I saw the scene of the shark eating the plane and just HAD to watch it, haha. Before we end this review I'd just like to bring up the fact that it's funny that whales burst into pieces when washed up on shore. I remember seeing that in the Reno 911 movie first and was in a fit of hysteria. So before we leave off of this great journey together, I'd like everyone to close your eyes. And I do mean after you read this...just picture a big sperm whale washing up some shore after a failed fight with a mega shark. Now I want you to imagine that same whale spontaneously combust miles into the cloudy blue sky in slow motion. Maybe even imagine a piece of bloody whale blubber(still in slow motion) bash into the side of a senior citizens unsuspecting face. The blood does the splatter effect all over that wrinkly old face of his, and he flies back through the air on impact, crashing into the side of a porta potty that someone is taking a shit in. The person emerges from the porta potty in complete disillusionment only to find this old man has been impaled by a rusty piece of coke can, yes coke can. The man who didn't have time to wipe his ass runs for help(still in slow motion) and we all cheer. Are you feeling that same euphoric relief I am? Good! Now you can carry on with your life knowing that reading this review was totally worth it.

What am I going to give this movie you ask..
2/5 Stars for the shark eating the plane scene



Sunday, July 4, 2010

Acting and Horror Effects Workshop With Clu Gulager




I got word from one of my very favorite people in the horror world, Mrs. Diane Goldner, about someone in her family. So check out the acting and horror effects workshop with the great and infamous Mr. Clu Gulager!
Follow the link below to read more:
http://www.horror.com/php/article-3216-1.html

This sounds more than amazing and I wish I could attend it like crazy! Seriously if I had the money that's where I'd be! To get taught acting and special FX by CLU FREAKIN' GULAGER! That's a once in a lifetime opportunity! Anyways hope you guys take some interest in the article and enjoy!
Oh and Thanks Diane for the heads up!

Happy 4th Everyone!

Happy 4th of July everyone, don't get murdered!!
=]





With Love And Gore,
Aleata Illusion

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Top 10 Greatest(and campiest) B Horror Movies Ever!

Okay this is not my list, but Christian from over at starcostumes.com shot me an e-mail to let me know about it. Now I wouldn't post about it unless it's something I enjoy/respect and people I LOVE this list of movies! Please be sure to give it a quick read, I'm sure you'll agree with me.
Great list Sara!
http://blog.starcostumes.com/b-horror-movies.html




Monday, June 28, 2010

Summer Madness




Hey everyone, just wanted to give you all a little update about myself.
Well Summer is upon us, and usually what happens is I keep myself extremely occupied during it. So I'm not sure how much I'm going to be keeping up with this blog right now. I'm going to be working on movies, working, throwing parties, etc. It's going to be busy, so forgive me if I can't keep my baby updated. I have a lot of projects I'd like to get completed, so I'll be taking a little bit of time off from writing. I'll pop up reviews and news whenever I can though, I promise! Anyways I hope everyone is doing fantabulous! What does everyone have planned for this Summer?
Word.
Aleata Illusion

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Dead Tone(2007)

Dead Tone(2007)
Director: Brian Hooks, Deon Taylor
Status: Movie Review



Alright, oh this one was a REAL winner. What we have is a story about a group of kids who make prank calls, and somehow always dial the same psycho’s number, who stalks and kills them. This movie is so bad that even Flavor flav makes an appearance in the beginning in a vampire cape, now that is scary! And it doesn’t make any sense, there’s absolutely no point to his appearance. A good portion of the movie is a bunch of boring ass college kids talking and then partying, then the last 30 minutes is a lot of really unoriginal and lame deaths. That movie was way to long for it’s own good, clocking in at 1 hour and 39 minutes. If I wanted to see a bunch of college kids act like retards I’d rent a National Lampoon’s movie. And the killer mysteriously dresses indenitical to the killer in “Urban Legend”. I don’t know why I subjected myself to this torture. I watched this movie because I thought Bill Moseley was in it, and then I realized that that movie was “dead air”. Yeah, I really payed the price for that one.




Then there’s a fucking 20 minute scene of these two ghetto thugs fighting with the killer while a white kid hides behind a door. Seriously it keeps flashing back to the kid like every 2 seconds, it’s regoddamndiculous! Then we get to see the dumbest “twist” in horror movie history. Not to mention after the hooded killer gets stabbed like 20 he gets right back up, what the fuck? The director stars in the movie as one of the final kids, I really hate when that’s done in movies. It’s exceptional if your short on people and have to act, or you make a cameo appearance, but tacky if your doing it intentionally. This movie was a waste of time and film. I’d recommend everyone stay as far away from this pile of crap as you can. I’m cutting the review short right now, because this movie doesn’t deserve any more of my precious time. Thank you and goodnight. *Takes a bow*






Watch this one instead!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

My DamnedSociety Interview!




If you go to www.damnedsociety.com you will see me right on the front page, and can click my picture for my interview. Tell a little a bit about myself and what I'm doing this year!
Or you can go directly to the link here:
http://www.damnedsociety.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1061:alleata-illusion&catid=9:featured-queens&Itemid=143

Thanks.



Just want to say hello new followers and thanks for following gore gore dancer movie reviews! I look forward to hearing your feedback! And I try to follow everyone back! =]