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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sorority Row(2009)


Directed by Stewart Hendler
Okay for those of you that are not in the know.This is a remake of the 1983 cult film "The house on sorority row".There's plenty different between these two,but i won't get into that i'll save it for a double feature.Penned by Josh Stolberg and Pete Goldfinger this reboot follows 6 sorority girls in Theta Pi as they play a prank that goes awry.They give roofies to one of the girls ex boyfriends(Matt O'Leary) to give to her at a party,but once she starts spastically convulsing the fun begins.They get the boy to fetch the car,so they can "take her to the hospital".He is absolutely losing it and the girls are fighting their laughter.They have him stop the car claiming she's dead and they need to cut up her body and hide it.Then what do you know the boyfriend takes a tire iron and plunges into straight into the girls heart.Everyone panic's especially Garrett when he figures out he's on the receiving end of an extremely cruel prank.So the girls not wanting to ruin their planned out lives dispose of the body in a well(The Ring reference anyone?) and make a pact that they will not tell a living soul what took place that night.Then 8 months later at a graduation party the girls get picked off one by one(and a couple guys thrown in there).

Alright so you get the basic concept of what we're dealing with now.The acting was all okay aside from the actor Jullian Morris who played Andy.I mean you could tell he was TRYING to act,it wasn't that natural feeling.I bet the leading ladies attracted most of the attention for the publicity and they are definately not eye sores.I have to mention though the girl who played Ellie(Rumar Willis)has a head like a saint bernard.It really kind of freaked me out a bit.This movie was one big horror cliche.I could tell the writers tried to make it original by throwing curve balls,but what good does that do when you can see them coming from a mile away?!?.Being a writer myself i couldn't stand the dialogue,it was way to typical and lame.But i guess that comes along with being a big Hollywood P.O.S. remake no talent whatsoever.The deaths and scares are purely cheap tactics that have been done over and over again.Watching this movie i would have expected more boobies,but did they even deliver that aspect,barely.I mean if i have to sit through something this awful they should at least make it somewhat entertaining.Gore and boobies are in high demand these day you know!

I was also really thrown by how they portrayed Megans younger sister Maggie(Caroline D'Amore).She appears out of nowhere acting like a complete creeper and has the audience like "oh no she's so the killer"!!But it's so ridiculous they blew her character completely out of proportion.I mean seriously why would she just walk out in front of their car while their driving just to stand there like an idiot and exchange some insults.Then again with her sleeping with the Jessicka's(Leah Pipes) boyfriend in her bed.I just wanted to bitch slap someone the entire movie for all the pointless things added.

Well anyways we end it with our lovely heroine Cassidy(Briana Evigan) coming face to face with her lame ass boyfriend Andy who is killing everyone who knows the secret about Megan(Audrina Patridge)being murdered,because he wants them to be free of it and the theta pi girls or some stupid shit.There's not much of a plot so you'll easily grasp everything going on.All the twists and turns it seems they ripped right out of the "Scream" movies.In my eyes for being the movie it was i was even more disappointed that they left so many survivors.Then they do a outdated hint at the end of Garrett coming back as the killer.Oh please not a sequel to a remake...i just can't stomach those!I mean if your drunk or high and can't see straight this is the movie for you!
I give it a 1/5
..And that's because of the hott chicks.

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